I love Gage.....no matter what

A few weeks ago I was bringing over some items we still had at our old house. I came across an old video camera I rarely ever used and I decided to watch a few of the videos. It was unreal. Gage was around 2 1/2 years old in the first video and he was reciting Brown Bear, Brown Bear. His voice was unrecognizable, not familiar to me AT ALL. If I had just been listening there's no way I would have thought it was my son. It was as if I've forgotten Baby Gage. He came home from school and he watched it and we laughed. Earlier this week he was reading that book to Gracie and Matt told him, "That used to be your favorite book." Gage said, "How do you know?" and Matt explained that when we were dating he would come over and listen as I read that to him.

On the second video one of my dearest friends, Kelsi, is in the background talking to Gage as he sings, "I like to move it, move it" over and over again. It was so good to hear her accent and remember when she was living here.

I could have watched those all night trying to stir up memories of Baby Gage......

About two weeks ago Gage was playing out front. Some of the neighbors were out there too, playing catch and riding scooters. Suddenly I heard screaming, "Aaaggh......aaaghh.......aaaghh!!!" My heart sunk to my feet and in that instant I feared he'd been hit by a car. That's why we have the "No screaming unless you're bleeding or dying" rule. I can't have that awful feeling just cause your Nerf arrow got stuck on the roof. Anyway, I ran outside to find Gage running toward me with his hands over his mouth blood dripping over them. Relief swept over me, thankful the worst hadn't happened. He may have lost a few teeth, but at least he hadn't been hit by a car. For the first time in a long time I just held him.....I assured him he would be fine, we would take care of it. I held him close to me as I got an ice pack and washcloth to clean him up. What he had was a severely busted lip with two gashes from his front teeth. It swelled up like a golf ball. He was riding his turtle bike (which is low to the ground) and he hit a rock in the street. The turtle bike stopped, but he didn't. He's not supposed to ride that bike out in the street but I saved the lecture and took the opportunity to comfort him in a way I haven't been able to in a long time. It felt so good to just hold him and bring him comfort. I needed it....

It made me stop to think about how my role as mom changes as the years go by.......

  

See, Gage and I had been having a rough several weeks. From a few weeks before Christmas until a few weeks after he was often in trouble. It felt like I was constantly getting on him about back-talking or getting his homework done or getting ready for school in time. At the time I was feeling "poor me" but looking back there's a little "poor Gage" in there too. He's in a tough spot. He's our only child that can take care of himself and has responsibilities. Everybody just adores Gracie; everything she says is hilarious because she's just learning how to have a real conversation. This morning she said, "Are you kidding me Gage?". Everything the twins do is adorable-just learning to walk and play peek-a-boo. Not everything Gage does is cute anymore. Like every other seven year old boy he'd rather be playing outside than doing his homework. He'd rather be building Legos in his closet than taking a shower or brushing his teeth to get ready for school. But after several weeks my patience was wearing thin and our interactions were getting ugly. His getting hurt was good.....I needed it because no matter how much I tell him-it was a chance for me to show him that I love him unconditionally. Even if he disobeyed and rode his turtle bike in the street when he wasn't supposed to-I would still hold him, comfort him and care for him. Even if he misbehaves or makes poor choices-I will always love him, no matter what. 

The real lesson for me is that the last few weeks things with Gage have been much better-he must have needed it as much as I did.....

Love. 

   

Potty training sucks......

A few weeks ago I potty trained Gracie........

I'm not going to go into the details, just a little recap. I did some online investigating and decided to modify the "potty training in three days" to work for our lifestyle.  This meant staying home all day, every day, until she was trained. I thought I was kind of a homebody......it would be no problem cause I like being home. BUT-it wasn't that good kind of staying home where you either get tons of stuff done or you curl up on the couch with a good book. It was potty-training staying home and I couldn't get ANYTHING done. I did three things while we trained-sat by the potty giving encouraging words, changed her underwear, and laundry. That was it. We didn't make it in three days. On the fourth day she started to cry in the morning when it was time to sit on the potty. She wanted a diaper.....and I wanted to cry. I had NOT stayed home all week for her to give up now. I HAD to leave the house before I lost it. Alyssa came while I went to work in Gage's class and Gracie tried on the potty but continued the accidents. Day 5 I decided that we weren't going to give up but we also weren't going to spend another day on lock down at home. So we went to Costco. I put her in panties because we weren't going backwards and prayed she didn't have an accident while we were there. She didn't. And that day she "got it". She finally relaxed enough to go on the potty and we haven't had any accidents for two weeks!!

Now she gets a few more months and we work to stop the thumb-sucking......there's always something.....

Ashlyn is officially a walker. Now if she falls she gets up to walk again instead of crawling. Jay is close behind, he's up to about 10-12 steps at a time. Their personalities can be seen in their walking. Ashlyn is deliberate and doesn't mind taking her time. She takes a few steps-regains balance.....takes a few more steps then regains composure. Jay looks like a drunk guy chasing someone. He's on a mission to get where he wants to go.....no time to worry about keeping it together. He's face-planted right into the ground a number of times.

Tonight I wanted to get a good video of Jay taking some of his early steps. I have some of Ashlyn from a few weeks ago and it's his turn. He walked to Gage and I was able to capture a few good steps. Gracie said, "Can he walk to me Mom?" so I turned him around to walk to her and started my video. Clearly I wasn't thinking it through because when he reached her he fell into her and they collapsed right onto the tile floor with a big THUD as Jay's head hit the floor. Oops. Poor little guy. I wanted to post the video to Instagram because until the fall it was so sweet. She wanted to be the big sister and she was so proud of him walking to her. When I went to post I was tempted to cut the video short, right as he made it to her.......but I didn't. I wanted to keep it real. That's my real life; that kinda crap happens all the time. I scooped him up and he hardly cried at all. It's not the first thud and it certainly won't be the last.

Jay and all his teeth....

 I sewed this little peplum top for Gracie. It was my first fully-lined garment with an invisible zipper....

 She's working on her "ta-da"

 Ash was mad because everyone was playing outside.....and she wanted to join but she was too afraid to crawl down.....so she just yelled at us from the door

 Gage caught in a picture.....

 Gracie and her favorite boots.....

 This one is so sweet.....

 I love this pic because Gracie often tilts her head like this when she's talking......

 Sisters......

 This guy has such a good grin.....

 He was in wonder....

I haven't made it a habit (although I want to start) to ask people to take pictures of and for me. There was a nice gentlemen who first asked, "Are they all yours?" (Grr....) then said, "You take pictures of them but who takes pictures of all of you together? Let me take one for you" It was so nice to have someone just offer. I love these four......

Every day something crappy happens around here.......Jay bumps his head, Gracie sneaks into the granola bars and gets chocolate on the couch, Gage clogs the toilet with his overuse of toilet paper for the eleventy-hundredth time, or Ashlyn......well, she hasn't really caused any crap yet. Anyway, there's always plenty of good stuff to make up for it. Just today Jay started walking more, I got to hang out with Gage after the little ones went to bed and we played the Wii, Ashlyn toddled around here all day as the tiniest walker I've ever seen, and Gracie gave her babies medicine and put them to bed "because they're sick and need rest". .

Until next time, Love.

There's extra in our ordinary.....

Last week Chrissy at Life with Greyson and Parker wrote this post  which was, in part, about appreciating simple things........and it was as though she was sending a message directly to me. Then the message at church on Sunday was titled, "The Extraordinary Ordinary".....coming right at me....

Sometimes it feels like I'm living the movie Groundhog Day. Same thing every day.....sometimes the same thing three times a day. Diaper change, diaper change, diaper change. Breakfast, sweep the floors. Lunch, sweep the floors. Dinner, sweep the floors. Then do it all over again. I browse Facebook and think, "I should take my kids to the beach.....we should go to Disneyland.......my kids would really enjoy a trip to the San Diego Zoo......" I scroll through my Instagram feed and long to get myself pretty and go somewhere interesting. I look through the photos and think, "I wanna go to San Francisco for the weekend......I want a girls night out......I want to wear a pretty dress...." It's as though I'm isolated, as if there's all kinds of amazing stuff going on in the world and I'm just here......at my house. I don't want anyone to misunderstand. It's nothing that makes me feel down or sad....it's just little fleeting wishes for something else..... 

I was reminded by Chrissy that many of things we remember most from our childhood were the simplest. So if the biggest outing we have for the month is our walk to Rite Aid for an ice cream cone-that's okay. If the biggest deal this week was that I made something out of our norm for breakfast (Cinnamon scones today) that's alright. If we don't go to Disneyland......ever......our kids will still be happy. 

And at church on Sunday I was reminded from Romans 12:2....."Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind...." That's what I do sometimes, I look at the world and wish for something else.....I need to keep in mind that my Groundhog Day is full of it's own kind of amazing. Today Gracie pooped on the potty for the first time, and with the biggest grin on her face she said, "My daddy is going to be proud of me." THAT is something special. Ashlyn took more than twenty consecutive steps.....and with that she only covered half the length of our living room. She could be a walker by the end of this week! THAT is outstanding. 

Just as I have desires to get dressed up and get away......there are many working mamas longing to sit at home with their babies and watch their first steps and first poop on the potty. And there are many women just longing to be mamas. That's something I've thought about many times over-there's always going to be something or someone.....there will always be someone with a nicer house, someone who has more time with their spouse, who takes better care of themselves, or travels more, it goes on and on. This blog, in part, is my effort to transform my thoughts and highlight the extraordinary in what seems just ordinary.......

Right now all the little ones are asleep and Gage is at school. This is my view.....

  

It's extraordinary......

Love

I'm just the creative type.....that's all

Today I decided I would sew. That meant that I wasn't going to do much else. So instead of the gym this morning I got out my machine and accessories. I don't have a good place to store my craft stuff in this house. There is no pantry and not ONE linen closet. The bathrooms (aside from master) also have NO drawers. Seriously. Thankfully this house isn't mine and it's only temporary. Anyway, I don't even have a good place for sheets and towels let alone sewing supplies and fabrics. Just getting my stuff ready took the entire morning.

Awhile ago I started a "fall" top for Gracie. Except there was no fall, really. And there's yet to be a winter either. I can't stand rain but we are in desperate need so prayers for rain it is........

Back to Gracie's top. I started it shortly after making her Halloween costume but I never finished. Today was the day. The top was inspired by was this one.....

but when I followed the links the Etsy pattern said "SOLD". So I went about making the top without a pattern. It never quite turns out exactly like I want when I do that but I figure it's all part of learning. Here's the final product on Gracie.....

She really thought she was a model. It wasn't bad but the bodice should be shorter and the ruffled part longer. It's still cute. I will probably make another one because I like the shape and buttons down the back. The next one will be better.

As I was working on the project I couldn't quite figure out how to make the back part for the buttons without having ugly seams or fraying. I called upon my handy back neighbor Mandy for help. Before she could come I figured it out so I told her not to worry. But then.......then.......as I was seam ripping the last button hole I accidentally ripped through the button hole and made a big tear in the top. It was literally the last step in making the shirt and BOOM-ruined. I called on Mandy again. She came. She helped. We conquered.

We were sitting at the table and our girls were playing when I realized I had yet to apologize to her for what she walked into. I had taken a shower earlier but I threw on comfy clothes to sew in. I had on a Stanford t-shirt and sweatpants.....both belonging to Matt. My floor was covered in toys and my table in fabrics. I had a poopy diaper in the trash can that probably stunk up my whole house. There's so much poop around here I really don't notice anymore. My sink had dishes in it from breakfast that had yet to be loaded into the dishwasher. My house is clean.....it's just a mess. You're not going to find a ring around the toilet.....but you may step on a Lego on your way to the bathroom. You know what I'm saying? If you have kids you do.

Plus it was a sewing day....like this saying I saw on Pinterest....

That's the kind of day I was having. 

I have friends who are able to keep their homes up SO much better than I ever could. Some won't even let you in their home unless it's what my mom used to call, "company clean". Sometimes I want to be that......but at the same time I'm totally okay with the fact that I'm not.

This Christmas I was given a cookbook. Like many cookbooks, the author has a little story before each section. In one, she writes, "No matter what stage of life you're in, learn something from everyone you meet. You can't do that if you keep your doors shut. Open your door to visitors. Most people don't even care what you cook or if you have enough; mostly they just need a listening ear. You'll be surprised what you can teach others, and you'll be surprised what they can teach you."-Miss Kay

For me, it was inspiring. My house probably won't be "company clean" for another fifteen years. But my door is always open anyway. And I usually have food. And tea. And we might be able to teach each other something. Come on over. Seriously. Feel the mess. It's good.

Love.

2014 Begins.....

When I look back at 2013 it was pretty darn good. Having twins with Gracie just 19 months older and Gage being school-aged has had challenges for sure. There were definitely times I wanted to hide in the bathroom and cry......but then......there they are....

and nothing beats those precious faces.

People often ask about the challenges and I would say the hardest part for me this last year has just been logistics. Once I went to Joanns with the three littlest and as I went to unload the kids I realized how unprepared I really was. I could put two in the cart (twins weren't old enough sit up so one baby in their car seat inside the big part of the cart and Gracie in the part near handle) but I forgot the Bjorn so where would the other go? Another cart? Push one pull one? But then where would I put my bolts of fabric? Laying over the baby? That might get some looks. I ended up just going home. That's the hard part....and one day, before I know it, that phase will be over and going places won't be so challenging.....at least logistically speaking.

Looking back I can define each year with a single description-
2009 was the year Matt and I starting dating....

2010 was the year we got engaged and married

2011 was the year we had Gracie

2012 was the year we prepared for twins

2013 was the year the twins were born and we adjusted to life with four kids.......

Now 2014...........will be the year we spend building a home. We bought a lot near where we live now and we've just started the process of drawing up plans. I'm taking any and all suggestions so send your thoughts my way. It's exciting and overwhelming at the same time. We searched existing homes in our area and we didn't find anything that suited our family. At the same time, this whole starting from scratch doesn't seem any easier. It's hard to have what seems like endless possibilities. However, we're excited for the learning experience. We've only had our first meeting and I feel like I've already learned a lot.

New Year's Day I took the kids to the park, here are the first images of 2014......

 Gracie doing her turns....

 Ashlyn is the worst-everything goes in her mouth.....

 everything....

 They still fit.....

So many teeth and Ash not a one....

I love this picture of Gage because he was jumping down out of concern for what Ashlyn was putting in her mouth....

 I can't believe I had this little blond baby......

 Just love this one......

My New Year's revolution (that's what Gage was calling it) is to take a few more pics of our everyday and post more often on the blog......

I'm starting out okay......

Love.