Why not?

A few months ago Gracie woke up crying in the middle of the night. Along with discovering her bloody nose, I found that I was spotting........I was 8 weeks pregnant. Gracie and I both woke Matt up with our crying.

It couldn't be confirmed right away by ultrasound, but within a week we knew for sure I had miscarried. It was heartbreaking. That baby's due date was my sister's birthday and I was excited to tell her.....a miscarriage isn't as simple as I had somehow thought (one reason I'm sharing)......I had gotten my hopes up at one point that maybe everything was fine.......I wasn't sure how Matty would feel about the loss or how he'd feel about trying again.......I wasn't sure if it was a sign that I shouldn't have another. I mean, that baby was the one I had JUST thanked God for trusting me with. Could I not be trusted with another?

Then I struggled a little with what to do next. Should I tell my mom? Should I call my sister?  They didn't even know I was pregnant.

I didn't. I didn't call anyone else either. Cowardly, I just didn't want to have anyone tell me that it was a sign. I didn't want to hear that maybe it was because we're not supposed to have another one. I didn't want to hear that we're crazy for wanting another one or that five children is just too many. I didn't want anyone to tell me that we're fortunate to have four healthy children and maybe we should just be content with what we have. We already are.

It's ridiculous that at thirty four years old I still can't handle having people think I'm making a poor decision. That's a story for another day.

Looking back, I wish I would have just shared the pregnancy when we found out. Sure, I would have then had to tell everyone about the miscarriage, but I think it would have been better somehow. Then I could have had the love and support of friends instead of feeling like I was hiding some type of secret. 

Months later, I was still afraid, so I waited to share again. But it's time to tell you-we're expecting in February!! If you've seen me in the last few weeks you might have been suspicious. Apparently with Baby #5 your belly just rolls out the red carpet of space for them to grow. This is the first time we've waited this long to tell anyone. That's what miscarriage does. But that's also why I'm sharing the story now. I would encourage others not to wait to share the joy of pregnancy. Loss can occur at anytime and you could use the love and support no matter when it happens.

I know that nearly everyone thinks we're crazy. One of my best friends has told me many times that five is too many. She's allowed to say that-she has five. She knows it isn't for the faint of heart. I remember her call telling me that Baby #4 was actually going to to be Baby #4 and #5, identical twin girls. My first thought was "Holy crap, she's going to have FIVE kids!!" as if it were the craziest thing ever. So, I get it.

The greatest joy has come from the responses of our children. Gage shouted "A BROTHER!!" (we will not be finding out), Gracie said, "Is a baby in ya tummy foe wheel?", Ash said "Baby....in your tummy!?!" and Jay came and lifted up my shirt to see if he could find the baby. Gracie came over to me and whispered in my ear, "You know what I'm going to do when the baby comes out?........(with wide eyes and a nodding head) I'm going to hold it!!" Later that evening Gage came over and talked to the baby saying, "I'll teach you everything!" Nothing but excitement.

Looking forward to sharing more joy with you in the months ahead. I hoping the start of school will allow more time for blogging. Enjoy some of our summer pics.....

Love.

Gilroy Gardens

 Park time

 Gage took this

 Todd Beamer "water park"

Off to skate

Too much fun for Ash

Ornery

 Farm visit

ZOO
She Loves this dress, THANK YOU for the lovely hand-me-downs Ashley!

 "Follow me everyone!"-Gage, all the time

 This guy is trouble

 Her faces are ridiculous

The Bear

Stingrays

 Farmers Market

That's the robot, in case you didn't know

 Beach day in Monterey 

xoxo

It takes a village......

I'm sure you've all heard the saying, "It takes a village to raise a child". It's origins are unknown, but I'm telling you-I live by it.

Often I'm complimented (at least I take it that way) on how calm I am. "I don't know how you do it! I can't believe you would even THINK of having one more!" In part, I think it's the "It takes a village..." approach.

When the twins were born, Gage was in kindergarten. In the months before they arrived, our back neighbors offered to take Gage to/from school for the rest of the school year. At first, I had a hard time accepting. It wasn't that I was worried about him, they are the best neighbors ever. It was that I felt guilty. I felt like it was my job to get him to/from school......even if it meant misery for myself and the three little ones. I hesitantly accepted the offer.

It was the start to something life changing. It changed my approach to mothering. 

The following year we carpooled most days after school. A couple days a week I would give her kids a ride home and most of the others, she would give Gage a ride. I realized then, that throwing a few more kids in my car was really no big deal. What had saved easily an hour from my day the year before, had cost her an extra five minutes and one more loud voice on the ride home. It was just another kid in the car for her-but for me it was HUGE. It meant that I didn't have to (twice a day) worry that my newborn twins and one year old were all fed and changed by a certain time. I didn't have to get myself dressed in real clothes or load and unload three little ones from car seats. I didn't have to wait in the drop off and pick up lines and shush little ones from the drivers seat. I didn't have to vie for the perfect parking spot-where his kindergarten teacher could see me, but I could be close enough to leave the car running and not to have unload the little ones. It meant that I didn't have to wake babies from their naps. It was amazing. It saved me over an hour every day. And for her it was just another kid in the car for the ride. Sometimes taking a child off of a mama's hands for a simple task or a short time isn't even hard and can offer that mom SO much help.  

The reason it was so life changing for me is that it made me realize that it's okay to accept help. I don't need to feel guilty. Even more than to accept help, I've learned it's okay to ask for help.

I ask my village for all kinds of things.....ride to baseball or home from church, help for an appointment, mothering advice (from discipline to school lunches), school calendar reminders, tending my kids for an appointment, keeping the little ones so I can watch Gracie's swim lesson without chasing them, wardrobe sharing, last minute rides from school, a picture of the spelling words for the week, you name it.

As mothers we shouldn't be afraid to ask each other for a little helping hand. I KNOW that it doesn't always feel easy. We're so busy that we assume other mamas are busy and we just don't want to impose. I would encourage you to just TRY it. Today I took a friend of Gracie's home from dance class. It added less than ten minutes to our ride home. Since I tended to the girls in dance (which means I kept track of their shoes) she had over an hour to get things done for an upcoming party. It felt SO GOOD to help her. It was no problem at all. Next time I need a little help, I'm happy to let her return the favor.

Thank you to all of our villagers, too many to list-but I hope you know who you are and how we love you. Our life is made easier and more joyful by your lending hands and our children are better for it.

A couple weeks back I called my friend Danneal early in the morning. She's in my village and she fields health questions and parenting questions. It was Friday morning and I was making donuts. The three youngest had gotten into the cupboard, dumped a bag of tortilla chips out, and were eating them off the floor. I had a choice-I could stop the conversation, take the chips, listen to the whining and crying, possibly run late for school because I paused making donuts to deal with it.......OR I could ignore it and continue my baking and conversation. I chose the latter. What was the worst that could happen? They eat a little dirt? Maybe a piece of hair? They spoil their breakfast? Let's face it-I was making donuts, they were probably better off with the tortilla chips (vegetable group, right sister?).  The reason I share this, is that recently, a friend commented on an Instagram photo of my kids, and said that I make it look easy. I assure you that with two year old twins-it's not. But, it's certainly made easier by choices like this. I don't bother worrying if my kids are eating something off of the floor or wiping their faces on the back slider. I don't worry if laundry sits folded on my couch for half the day. I can't. I just can't. 

So when motherhood feels overwhelming-ask for a little help from a trusted friend. And next time your kids wipe their snot on their shirt-pretend like you didn't see it. You can teach that lesson another day.

Enjoy some pics of the kids......it's been a while.

Sadly, I lost all of my pictures from Easter Sunday but a do have some from other Easter festivities
Egg dying....

These pics are from the egg hunt at Peoples Church. Gage was a really good big brother on this day. He took Gracie to help her hunt eggs and took each of the little ones through the bounce houses. He didn't complain about having to help keep an eye on them and he reveled in his big brother role. It's noteworthy because that doesn't always happen. 

 

I was surprised when Gage wanted to play this year because he hated baseball last year. He said it was boring. This year he jumped at the chance to play catcher. He enjoyed the season a lot more being in on more of the action. 

 

At the end of April we went to Monterey. Gage chose to stay home with his dad because he didn't want to miss school (he wanted perfect attendance this year) or baseball.

Ashlyn's favorite exhibit at the aquarium was the penguins. She could have sat there all day and watched them dive down into the water and climb back out.

 

Gracie at the children's museum 

 

The kids were a little more brave at Gilroy Gardens than I expected. They rode several rides with me, this pic was on the Ferris wheel. 

 

And finally, we cut Jay's hair. I'm still getting used to it and going back to these pics made me miss it even more.

Hope to be back sooner than later. Maybe summer will allow more time.

Love.

 

 

 

Casa de Creighton......it begins

After months, and months, and months, of waiting for corrections and permits we've finally started construction on the house. Whew.

Yesterday I met Hally (our builder) at the door shop. We were there to decide on the type of back door off the family room so the house could be framed accordingly. While we there we looked at front doors, as well as interior doors and hardware. I brought everything home, and Matt and I went over it last night.

It was then I realized-we are about to begin a process that will have us facing eighty thousand decisions that could potentially cause a disagreement. It seemed like we couldn't agree on anything. He wants a slider, I want french doors. I want doorknobs (I can explain), he wants levers. This is gonna be amazing; I love disagreements. No. I don't. We didn't even have to actually make any decisions last night, and still, I couldn't sleep. My stomach hurt just thinking about all of the potential confrontation that building this house might cause.

So this morning, here I am. Up early. Typing away. Hoping to find something good. We agreed on on the interior doors. Not the hardware, but the doors. Small victories.

Another good thing, and a REALLY big one, is that it's a blessing just to face such decisions. Really. I know that.

I go by the lot every day. Last week I saw this......

That pipe sticking up in the near the center will be the source of water that fills all the pots......washes all the dishes......fills the cups of these little people.

 That is something to be thankful for.

And this is where we will welcome you into our home.....

Hi. Welcome. Come on in.

And this is where I took a break to make breakfast, drop at school, run by lot, and head to Phemom.

I'm back. The series we've been working through at Phemom is called "Flip My Life" and relates our life of faith to construction and home flipping. The coincidence of this happening as we've started construction has not been lost on me.

Earlier this week I came across a blog post about about home design. The author advised that, before you design or decorate a space, you should come up with a few descriptive words you want as a result for the space. Anything that doesn't fit that description gets nixed. I started thinking about how I want our home to be described upon completion.

Then, at the end of Phemom today, we were given time to think and pray about what we've garnered from this "Flip My Life" series.  We had tracing paper that we laid over a floor plan to make notes on. I began to pray for guidance and quickly a graphic organizer came to mind. It was clearly spirit-led because I hate bubble organizers. Seriously. Here it is.

This led me to the descriptive words I want for our home: Christ-centered, comfortable/welcoming, and lived in. The "lived in" description isn't always what you get with a new build, but it's important to me. It symbolizes that there is always room for improvement and change-no one (and nothing) is perfect. Looking "worn" illustrates the beauty and character that comes from hardships.

As we start this home-building journey, I plan to keep this organizer handy. When my stomach is in knots, worried about the hardware on our interior doors, I'll have to remember-what I want most in my home is LOVE. God is love. Love doesn't come from doorknobs. Or levers. We're fine either way.

If you are one to pray-please pray for our family during this adventure. That we might find joy in the process and remember what really matters the most. 

And since it's been a while-enjoy some pics of the kids......I'm a lagging a little in the photo department

  Until next time, LOVE