Farewell Facebook

Tomorrow is Ash Wednesday. I'm not catholic, but most years I have participated in the lenten season. I don't do all of it, I just give something up.

Last week, as I was contemplating what I would give up, I ran into this article. It will help if you read it. The author indicates that when we're checking our.....whatever-email, Instagram, Facebook, Pinterest, Twitter and so on-we're checking out of where we are. We're checking out of the present. Guilty. She mentions how social media has imparted a new type of greed-desiring what we see from others and don't have ourselves, a longing for likes,followers, and invitations. I really didn't think I was guilty there. I mean, I have no idea how many Facebook friends or IG followers I have. I don't have a tendency to desire what others have nor do I feel a heightened self esteem when something I post gets a lot of likes. But-to say that I don't take notice of who or how many likes my IG pics have would be a lie. So, guilty. She relates this all to 1 Timothy 6:9-10, "Those who want to get rich fall into temptation and a trap and into many harmful desires that plunge people into ruin and destruction. For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs." When I really stopped to think about WHY I spend time in social media I realized that it's greed. Whether I'm greedy to check out of the present or greedy for likes-it's greed either way.

Today at Phemom (a women's ministry group I participate in) there were a few verses we focused on. The first one was 1 Timothy 6:8-10. There it was again. Like a slap upside the head. The next one aligned even more with what I needed to hear: 1 Timothy 6:20-21, "Guard what has been entrusted to your care. Turn away from godless chatter and the opposing ideas of what is falsely called knowledge, which some have professed, and in doing have departed from the faith." What stuck out for me was, "turn away from godless chatter". I know I'm on my phone too much lately. I catch myself reading articles on Facebook that I don't even really have any interest in. Then I start reading through comments and get even more engrossed in something that I really DON'T care about. I read and read and all I get is gossip and unnecessary/ugly comments and some awful spelling and grammar.

So, it's farewell Facebook. At least for lent. It's my sincere hope that I will spend less time on my phone and in turn enjoy more engaging time with my family and "in real life" friends. I hope that it brings me such joy that I don't care to ever put the app back on my phone. We're also giving up weekday television before the kids go to bed. We don't really watch a ton of TV anyway but this will mean no shows for Gracie while the twins nap. That means I have to plan ahead for what she'll do while I get that little quiet time that I usually use to pay bills or clean.

It's been a while, so enjoy a whole bunch of pics of the kids.....

Gage.....

Gracie....

 

Ashlyn....

Jay...

 

  

Gage is growing up. He's busy with basketball and baseball. He's frustrates me with tattling and being bossy. He makes me proud with his desire to be good and do well in school. 

Gracie is a good big sister. She's going through a phase of being whiny and fighting me about what she's going to wear every day (she wants a t-shirt, leggings and flip flops always). She is learning a lot and loves to sit quietly and paint or color. 

Ashlyn has the most hilarious expressions. Her cry/whine is still the most piercing sound ever. She continues to be the most affectionate of our children and I love that she can sit quietly and color for long periods of time. 

Jay is still all boy. He's still having trouble staying in his bed. He gets into trouble with climbing/jumping from everything and coloring on the walls. He is the most joyful of our kids and that little dimple gets me every time. 

On my break from Facebook you can find me on Instagram where there's a link to the blog in my profile. I'm hoping less time on Facebook might translate to more blog time too, but probably not.

Until next time, love. 

Speaking kindly.....

It's been a long while since the last time I wrote a post. I wish I could carve out more time for it, I just haven't been able to. It's the same with sewing. I just can't. The twins are at a tough age right now for doing anything but pay attention to them. Jay is climbing the walls. Literally. He grabs onto the window sills and climbs the wall. When he's not climbing them-he's coloring on them. He's been found standing on the kitchen table, climbing the bookcase, jumping from the back of the couch. Needless to say, I can't focus long enough to pay a bill online, let alone write a post.

But right now they're napping. And this is important. So I'm here.

Last week my sister sent me the pics from my cousin Justin's wedding and I'm just getting a chance to go through them. Let me just share one right now because these two are gorgeous and I love them.

I could go on and on about how amazing the wedding was; it was perfect. But, as I went though the pics I was reminded what I loved the most from their wedding day. Justin and Kendyl wrote their own vows and they were some of the best I've heard. Both were very personal and important promises. As Justin read his promises to Kendyl, one stood out to me-"I promise to.....speak to you kindly......" my eyes welled up and eventually spilled over. Matt looked over at me, with my tears, and had a look of, "What are you crying for?" He didn't get it. That's because he always speaks kindly to me. But I know the weight of that promise. 

I know what it feels like to be spoken to in a way that is ugly and unkind. I know the heartache that can come from yelling, using insults, and being harsh. Thankfully, I also know what it's like to always be spoken to kindly. I know the security and safety Kendyl will feel as that promise is kept. 

There are countless articles out there about the reasons not to yell at your children (in a way that is harsh/hateful/unkind). One contributor to this article said, "If you yell at your child, you either create somebody who yells back at you or somebody who is shamed and retreats" followed by, "You're either growing aggression or growing shame". From my experience, it is the same with yelling at your spouse-you're either fueling aggression or fueling resentment. I remember throwing a cup against the wall in frustration during an argument. In that moment I realized that I was changing and every time I passed that little mark on the wall, I felt shame for who I was becoming. The little tiny inkling of aggression I have in me had been fueled for so long it was growing out of my control. The resentment was right there to match.

Just like there are times that we lose it and yell at our kids, there are times we lose it and yell at each other. But it is as important for me to speak kindly to my spouse as it is to speak kindly to my children. If it's not for you-consider it. Seriously. 

 

The toll of speaking in an uncaring and unkind way in a marriage is something I have wanted to write about for a long time. I'm grateful that I could bring up the topic from something positive. Justin, I am so proud of you for making such an important and beautiful promise. I pray that it would be fulfilled. 

I'm hoping to be back soon with pics of the kids and a catch up about the rest of our life. 

Love.

P.S. I've recently learned that a few of our friends have sought counseling for their marriage. I am so proud of you guys for seeking guidance before it became too ugly and before the resentment was beyond repair. Praying for God's blessings on your marriages.

  

Circle K & Costco All Before Lunch

This morning Lauren invited us out to Circle K Ranch to snap some pics and visit the store. The kids had a great time throwing leaves and picking out chocolate covered everything from the store. Plus they love Harrison and they REALLY love Auntie Lo-Lo.

After running around in the orchards and the store we got in the car to head home. Gracie asked where we were headed. When I said  we were headed home she reminded me we had to go to Costco. Oh man, we did need to go to Costco. Ugh. It was crazy packed. The kids were really good for a while but the last of it was brutal. Jay broke the strap on the cart then kept trying to climb out. My cart was overflowing because I needed everything. I had given them trail mix in their snack cups and Jay looked like he had melted every color of M&M across his face. Upon checking out we noticed the sourdough bread package was cut open so the checker sent someone to get another.

At this point Jay is trying to climb out of the cart (successfully as he broke the buckle), Ashlyn is dumping what's left of her snack cup all over the floor, and I've only got one free hand as I'm trying to pay with the other. I'm having Gracie just hold my leg so I know she's there with me. I decide to just hold Jay so he doesn't fall out of the cart. He is flailing trying to get down and kicks Gracie in the head and she starts whining. Now I'm sweating. So I pay, give the receipt to Gracie because she loves to get the happy face and I step around the other side to my cart. I'm holding Jay while he's literally kicking and screaming and I'm trying to get my purse off my shoulder and into the cart so I can get a better hold on him. The lady that loaded my cart says, "You need to step out of the way and wait against the wall while he gets your bread." I almost lost it. My face read, "I hate you" and my brain said, "Are you &*%# ing stupid? Can you not see I'm struggling here?" The elderly couple behind me offered to help me. Good thing they stepped in with their kindness to save me from getting ugly. I really didn't need help-but I did need a second.

So the lesson here is don't be stupid like the cart loader at Costco. Right mom? And save your next Costco trip till after Thanksgiving.

Anyway, here are some of the great pics I got from Circle K Ranch this morning.

 I bought this dress on Zulily. Hand wash only. Who manufactures hand wash only for a 3-year-old? And who keeps it? Me.

 Who doesn't love a little guy in a pearl snap shirt?

 Sweet sisters

 He thought this was so funny

 Gracie's little grin is the best

 He would have wandered the whole ranch had I let him....

 This is so Ash to me

 Wait for it......wait for it.......

 Yay!!!

If I don't get back before the holiday-Happy Thanksgiving! We all have so much to be grateful for.

Love.

Like Weeds

I spend most my days with these three little loves.

They are hilarious and growing like weeds. Jay and Ashlyn have started to take notice of one another in a new way over the last several weeks. If I get milk for one then they stand and wait saying, "Sissy cup" or "Jay cup" waiting to get a cup for the other. They also started napping in separate rooms so the first thing they ask for when they wake up is the other. It also means that they've started to tattle. When one takes a toy away they come crying and pointing to me, "Sissy truck" or "Jay book" letting me know what has happened. Gracie's been starting to say really hilarious things too. Today she was complaining about her puzzle, "This is a tricky one". Or as I shared on Facebook, "That disgusting smell is mom's soup". They are growing like crazy.

You might forget that I've got this guy too.

This one. This one reminds me that these are the years......

Lately it's really been on my mind how important these school-age years really are. A few weekends ago Gage had a soccer game that I planned to go to but the weather had turned and I didn't want the little ones out in the cold. Long story short, Gage's dad couldn't take him. Matt was out of town so I had to take Gage and the three little ones to the game by myself when I was not prepared. I'll spare you the many reasons that morning was the pits. We showed up. He played. And we drove through Starbucks for a warm drink and coffee cake on the way home.

In the big picture was it really that important for him to make the game? No. But I wanted him to know that if he's going to play-he needs to be there. 

Because these are the years. This is when he'll learn that we often have to do things we don't want to do. That's not just something that happens here at home. It's time for him to learn that he'll play on teams that are terrible-that doesn't mean he can quit or miss games. He'll have friends that get him into trouble-that doesn't mean he can pass the blame. He'll have schoolwork that challenges him-that will mean giving up something fun to make it a priority. It's all part of being a good person. Teaching those lessons is easier said than done. Wish me luck!

On another note it's that time of year to think about what we have to be thankful for.....

Last week I went to drop Gage at soccer practice. It was close to 5pm. The kids from Campus Club were out playing basketball. Something hit me when I saw them. I realized that while I had already been filled in on the day, these parents hadn't seen their kids yet. I already knew that Gage did terribly on his spelling pre-test. We went over some ways for him to remember the correct spelling. I had already helped him make an apple with peanut butter for a snack and taught him how to slice an apple without getting hurt. I had already listened to his guitar lesson as he passed a few more exercises and learned to tune it himself. It was in that moment of seeing those kids that I realized the value of staying home, even as the parent of a school-age child. It's easy to explain why I stay home with our little ones, but this was the first time I really saw how it's valuable to Gage too. Please do not read this as judgement toward working parents, a necessity for every parent/child relationship, or as though I'm saying a working parent is not "there" for their children. It is just that for MY family, where our evenings are VERY full-I'm happy to have those after school hours as time to be with, teach, and just talk to Gage.  

I wish I could say that I'll be back to blog again soon, but I probably won't. So here's a billion pics of the kids since I've been lagging on writing. Enjoy.

He's still drooling, can you spot it?

I wish I had more patience to push her. She would swing for hours.

This is my most challenging child to photograph. The blond hair, the fair skin, the faces-it's too much for me.

 

Seriously. How do you photograph a child when their hair glows? 

But she has got the cutest little profile ever.

This guy is all boy.

The entire time we were at the Discovery Center she wanted to be in the kitchen/grocery area. Mama's girl.

Her face. Seriously. I thought Gage was expressive, this one takes the cake.

He's handsome.

I love her. Even with her messy hair she's perfect to me.

This is Jay's "sissy" face. This is what he looks like when he's complaining about one of the girls.

Barefoot at the park. Always. Even now that it's cold she always takes them off.

Her curls are starting to straighten out and I'm heartbroken.

His are staying strong.

Gage is growing up. Suddenly being tough is important.

Intense. Football against yourself is very serious business.

Man I wonder if I could still get my leg that high.

He loves teaching her things.

And Jay loves cookies. With frosting.

Ash likes hers without. 

This one just made me laugh.

Jay as Olaf

Gage as a football player

Attempted group shot

Gracie as a brunette Elsa. She refused the wig I bought.

Sisters.

Ashlyn as a blond Anna. She also refused with wig.

Brothers.

Pumpkin carving at Grandma Stacey's. This was the first year he was patient and focused enough to complete his own pumpkin.

Cousins.

Baking with mama. You need a big white cup of tea for baking.

This went surprisingly well. Bring on Christmas!

Hands down the most independent child of mine. Me buckle. Me do it. No help. Me do it.

Couldn't even get one to look.

Until next time!

Love.