Farm visit for Easter......

The kids and I left for the farm last Wednesday. Easter made a perfect time to take the twins down for their first farm visit. Matt met us there Friday after work. I decided to take the kids down early because I needed a change of scenery.......

The ride down was great-it was Gage's first time watching a movie in the car, Gracie slept most of the way and watched the movie and snacked when she wasn't sleeping, and the twins slept the whole way there.....

My rear view

When I just had Gage it was REALLY easy to get out of the house; we did everything together. If I needed a few groceries I threw Gage in the wagon and we walked to the store.....we went to the park easily 5 days a week.....we went to the zoo all the time.....beach trip-no problem. The same was true when I had Gracie. It was so simple to take Gage to the park and have Gracie in the stroller or just hold her or put her in the swing while Gage went off to ride his bike. Many of my friends are single moms and moms of singles. I see their pictures from the zoo or the park or out for a walk.....I wouldn't say I'm envious-but I wish it was that easy to get out of the house. It's not that I CAN'T get out of the house.....it's just that sometimes it's not worth the effort. By the time I get all packed up and everyone ready-it's practically time to get back home. So.....I've spent a lot more time just hanging out at the house and that's just not me. I knew heading down to the farm would at least give me a change of scenery and I'd be able to visit with Kalli and Kristi and have some help from my mother in law.

I wouldn't say the trip was entirely relaxing. One day was the shits.....literally. Jay cried for five hours with just a little twenty minute snooze. Just as I finally laid him down for that twenty minutes-Ashlyn started to fuss......I moved the blanket to pick her up and she was covered in poop. She hadn't gone for a week but she certainly made up for it. There was no white left of her diaper. None. By the time I got her undressed she had poop from the top of her head to the tips of her toes. Jay slept just long enough for me to get her cleaned up though. Then as he got worked up again I decided to take him into a warm bath with me. Problem solved-he was good the rest of the night......but that was a long day for this mama.

My mother-in-law insisted that I relax so I didn't spend any time doing dishes or helping prepare meals as I usually would. It was nice to just sit and hold my babies for no reason.....not to feed them and not because they were crying but just to hold them. When I'm home it's hard to just sit and hold them-there's always something calling my name......a load of laundry.....some dirty dishes.....a meal to prepare. There was a full two hours that I just sat and held Jay while visiting with Kalli.....it was great because that's time that I don't get here at home.

Here are some pics from our trip.....

Playing on the tennis court

 Gracie wasn't quite big enough to reach the pedals.....but when she is-watch out!!

Our nephew Heston

Our family Easter eggs

Learning to feed a calf with Grandpa Dale

Auntie Kalli making Gracie grin

Making rice crispy eggs with Auntie Kalli

Hunting for eggs  with Grandpa....

The Creighton Family (Tom, Heston, Kristi, Dusty, Matt, Dale, Gracie, Debi, Sandy, Jack, Kalli, Lilly, Kandi, Baby Bigler in the belly, Gordon, in front-Grandma Winnie, Aunt Kathleen, Gabby, and Gage) The twins were sleeping

Sunrise service

Jay napping after sunrise service

Ashlyn napping after sunrise service.....what a sweet little smile I caught

Our family at sunrise service......Gage's pose is a little weird and Gracie isn't looking but hey, this is what our family looked like at 6:30am and I think we did pretty darn good!!

I wish I could say that I came home from the farm feeling rejuvenated and restored........but I don't think I'm going to feel that way for a while. It was a great trip though. I got to hold the babies just to love on them. I got to see Gracie's independence as she explored Grandma and Grandpa's massive yard. I got to see Gage learn to feed a calf and take his little sister for wagon rides. I got to visit with family. Thanks to my mother in law I even got to go for a walk all by myself. Sounds pretty good to me......

Love

Just catching up a little......

Time is a funny thing.......it gets away so quickly sometimes. Yesterday I was sitting on the couch with my feet up when I noticed my toes. I thought, "Man, that pedicure sure didn't last long"......then I realized I had them done right before the twins were born......that was a month ago......and the reality was my pedicure had actually lasted a really long time.

Evenings can be tough around here.....the witching hour. The babies always seem to be fussier and Gage and Gracie are impatiently awaiting dinner. Matt doesn't get home until 6:30 so it's a mad rush to get in dinner, baths, brushing, and books all before bedtime. Sometimes that time of day is brutal.....I feel like I'm never going to get everything done and everyone down. I know every mom can relate to....



Most evenings around here are like that......I start longing for the 8pm bedtime to come. That time can seem never-ending yet the days and the weeks seem to fly by.

Last week I had my sister come to take some pictures of the big kids-yes, Gracie qualifies as a big kid. I also needed to measure my niece for the flower girl dress I'm sewing for her to wear in my cousin Valerie's wedding. I hadn't taken pics of my big kids for a while. Usually they would get done with Christmas cards but this year they didn't. Gage was horrible. He complained the whole time we were there.....about how he was going to get stung by a bee....and how Gracie was going to get stung.....and how he is terrible at smiling.....and how he couldn't wait to leave....and on and on. So when Amy posted these......






I couldn't believe we had gotten something I could actually put up in the house.

Gracie was pretty cute.....






This last picture is one that I wish was a video.....to see her run in that tutu was hilarious. She loved running away from us-she would have run all the way to the next orchard had we let her!

Looking at the pictures of Gage you can see the tooth fairy has been pretty busy around here. He lost his second front tooth last week. I was SHOCKED because Grandpa Steve had been here visiting....Gage asked him to pull it but Grandpa it wasn't ready. Then Matt pulled it that evening. Hmm.....I certainly remember Grandpa Steve pulling some of mine that I thought weren't ready. His next tooth to go was on the bottom and Matt said he didn't think it was ready to pull out.....during dinner that night Gage accidentally swallowed it!! Tooth fairy got the night off on that one.....no payment for teeth she can't collect!!

Anyway, the pictures turned out great and I'm looking forward to getting a picture with all four kids soon. I've been trying to take more pictures around the house of our daily life. Here are a few.....

I'm telling you-they love this....

Gage has been catching snails for a long time......

2013

2009

 Jay

 Ashlyn

Two babies in our bed.....

Look at these tiny toes.......

Gracie loves the Uncle Harry's iced tea almost as much as I do......

People are always asking how we're adjusting to having twins.....or what the hardest part of having twins is.....and I can honestly say we're adjusting just fine. It doesn't feel like "adjusting" though......it just feels like our life. There is a hardest part-and it's not the witching hour........it's getting out of the house. It seems to take forever to get everyone fed, cleaned up, dressed, packed and into the car. I feel like by the time I do all that-it's time to feed the babies again! Yesterday I realized that breakfast alone takes a big part of the day. By the time I made the big kids breakfast, ate breakfast and cleaned up after breakfast-well over an hour had passed. This is why I dread the question, "What did you guys do today?" from Matt. Umm.......we ate breakfast and lunch and everyone bathed. TA-DA!!

More on that in another post.....

Love

Bringing home babies......

The twins are three weeks old today. I can't believe it's been that long already. We've had many visitors and wonderful meals brought over. Between those and the freezer meals my mom prepared for us a few weeks before I delivered I haven't had to really cook dinner yet. To the many friends that brought us dinner-THANK YOU, that was such a blessing to our family.

The twins are still sleeping a lot so it's been pretty manageable so far. The only thing I haven't been able to do yet is venture out for errands with ALL the kids by myself. I've taken the twins and left the big kids and I've taken all four of them to run errands with help-but I've yet to head out alone with all of them except for walks and the park.  

It's been pretty funny to have people say they don't know how I do it. They see me out walking with my four kids.....one on a bike or scooter

one in a carrier

**I do not actually look this good-this is some miracle camera angle-it's like the power of Instagram, everything looks better

and two in the stroller.........

They just can't imagine it........but it's like Chrissy says here, "...you just do it because sometimes you just have to do what other people have no idea how you do because you just have no choice..." That's me. I'm just doing what I have to do and I don't even realize what I'm doing. My sister stopped by the other day and I was feeding the twins and helping Gage get ready for school. She said, "This is hilarious right now......you are nursing two babies at once and at the same time helping another brush his teeth." I wasn't really thinking about what I was doing-but when she pointed it out........I realized it was kind of crazy.  

But lets be honest-no one does it all. It's 1:15 and I'm still in my pajamas today....haven't even brushed my teeth yet. There is a basket of unfolded laundry that I've been eyeing all morning but have yet to get to. Gage's lunch was hurried because we were busy working on homework and in his rush out for school his dirty dishes were left-and are still on the kitchen table. Gracie's high chair is full of rice and broccoli from her lunch. She has been naked since I changed her diaper before breakfast this morning. There are toys ALL over the living room floor. Our beds aren't made. The counter is littered with thank you cards that I've started-but yet to finish and get in the mail. Must be a growth spurt because I feel like I've done nothing but feed the babies all day and they're still not all that happy. 

_________________________________________________________________________

That was all written yesterday......I didn't get to finish but now I will......

The hard parts are probably not what you would think. For one, I have help. I have a fabulous girl that comes and helps me run errands, make lunches, entertain the big kids, or whatever else I might need. The last few weeks of the pregnancy she came to watch the kids for my frequent appointments and would take the kids out to the park for me since I just didn't have the energy. I didn't want them cooped up in the house just because I was. She does the same thing now-she takes the kids to the park for me when I have to focus on the twins. She's here to help but it's hard for me........it makes me miss the big kids.

Gracie is still just a baby......

And when someone else prepares her lunch, takes her to the park, or lays her down for her nap-I don't like it. I miss her and I feel like someone else is being her mom.  

So then I take them to the park by myself-because I want to be with them. Then Gracie climbs by herself up to the big slide (where she is NOT big enough to go alone) and I realize why I need help. I can only do so much while carrying a tiny baby on my chest. 

Another hard part......when I got pregnant I never thought it would be my last pregnancy, or last baby....until we learned there were two. Some will find this CRAZY but when I snuggle my tiny babies I'm sad that I have to split my attention. It almost makes me want one more......one that gets to be THE tiny baby. Some mamas don't love the tiny baby phase-I do.....so I wish I didn't have to split time between my two. 

Gage has been a great big brother. He asks to hold them every day (Jay more often than Ashlyn) and tries to comfort them by giving them pacifiers or singing lullabies when they cry. He keeps Gracie entertained and helps with grabbing a clean diaper, tossing a dirty, or anything else they might need.  

He loves doing this-he turns laundry baskets into recliners. Gracie loves it.

 

The babies are growing like weeds......

Resting with brother....

 Blowing bubbles......

Napping after dinner.....

I spend a lot of time holding them together like this.....

but I don't really look that good-it's the angle and poor lighting. I WISH my hair was that color-but I'm actually in desperate need of an appointment with Carrie. 

I still can't believe I have four kids.....and that I'm a mother of twins. At the same time, I can't imagine life without them-they are my most precious treasures. My mom asked me how I was feeling........and I replied, "I feel like I've got this". She said that after coming by earlier this week, Amy described me as happy........I am.

Love

Children can be so perceptive........

Today I had to explain to Gage that his Grumps had passed away. Grumps was a grandfather (not by any blood relation but by spirit and love) to Gage. He cried and said, "I didn't get to say goodbye. We haven't seen him in a while and I didn't get to say goodbye to him. I want to see him." We cried together and I explained that the good news was that Grumps had been hurting for a long time and he would no longer have to live in pain. 

A few hours later Gage and I were on the couch, I had my arm around him, and he was reading his book from school to me. Grumps crossed my mind.........and I kissed Gage on his head. He stopped reading and when I looked down his eyes were welling up with tears.......he said, "Mom, when you kiss me like that it makes me sad about Grumps." It was as if he knew that's the reason I was kissing him......the perceptiveness of children never ceases to amaze me........

Love

Ashlyn and Jay's Birth Story....Part 2

I'm sure most readers know-but for anyone that didn't-we waited to name the twins until we saw them. We did the same with Gracie (partly because we waited to find out gender) and after seeing her I was so glad we waited-the name I would have chosen wouldn't have fit her at all. So the twins were nameless coming into the world. 

Visitors came the evening they were born.....our parents along with Jeff, Hally and Lauren. We didn't get to start talking names as we didn't have time alone. 

Here was our baby girl.......

 And our baby boy.......

We were moved over to recovery and luckily I didn't have a room mate so Matt was able to sleep there with us. There were nurses in and out the whole night......to check vitals, offer up pain medication and so on. In addition the bed was constantly moving and making noise. St. Agnes has new beds that move slightly on their own every so often for patients that are bedridden, I assume to help with circulation. There is no way to stop the moving unless you completely unplug the bed......it's crazy. 

Every nurse that would come in would say......"I see that you had a vaginal delivery-that's amazing!" Followed by, "And you're still in tact! Wow-you're Superwoman, made to have babies!" It was a wonderful compliment but I was exhausted, could hardly walk from the pain in my hips, and certainly didn't FEEL "super" anything. 

The next morning was more of the same except in addition to nurses we had the birth certificate lady that we had to put off because we still didn't have names, the lactation consultant, the picture people, and more visitors. Still no time to name the babies. Every one that came in would ask their names......I kept thinking, "If you people would stop coming in we could figure it out!!"

Gage and Gracie both came to the hospital to see the babies. Gracie ran to one bassinet, pointed and said, "Baby!", then she ran over to the other bassinet, "Baby!" A nurse came in to take one of the babies for the hearing test and Gracie grabbed a hold of the other bassinet and started wheeling it out behind her. Gage was anxious to learn their names but he had to wait. He asked to hold them and he did. He was excited that they were finally here but after getting a chance to see them, and make sure I was okay, he was even more anxious to visit the piglets at the farm. 

Late in the day we finally had time alone to work on their names. Our boy name list was about twenty names deep and needed some serious work toward reduction. We had already decided his first name would be William (after Matt's dad) and that he would go by whatever middle name we chose. The girl list was already narrowed to three (but no middle name chosen) so we started by narrowing the boys. We decided to take the list, mark eleven names each that we were willing to get rid of and any that we both marked would be removed. There were several rounds of reducing the list as often we only had one or two names that we both marked. If you ever go through this-the key is to must mark enough that you'll be forced to have at least one that you've both marked. When we got down to three names for the boy we decided to look up what each name meant and go from there. Of our final boy names one had no meaning, one meant "strength of the spear" and Jay meant "happy and/or rejoice". Based on that-the name Jay was chosen. Jay is a family name on my side-my grandpa Don's middle name (see this post). 

Once Jay had been named it was time to name our little girl. We both liked all three names so any of them would have been fine. Our final names were Evelyn (Evi), Ashlyn, and Westyn-none of which had any significant meanings.....except Evelyn meant "desired" which I wasn't really wild about. I thought she looked like a Westyn, Matt thought she looked like Evelyn......and that's basically how she was named Ashlyn. Matt thought she should share a middle name with Gracie (the same one I share with my sister, mother, and grandmother). So William "Jay" Creighton and Ashlyn Laurae Creighton were finally named. 

Our many prayers (and YOURS) were fulfilled and we were able to quickly take home two beautiful, perfectly healthy babies. 

Love

Ashlyn and Jay's Birth Story.....Part 1

Throughout the pregnancy with the twins I was open to whatever type of delivery we ended up with. I had done a lot of reading online and talking to people I just figured it would be a c-section. I didn't really push the issue with Dr. Swanson one way or another and the few times I brought it up he would just say it's something we would look at as the end approached. Every time I had an ultrasound the babies were both head down which is a major factor in delivery type. As I passed the 35 week mark Dr. Swanson indicated there might be a possibility for a natural delivery.......I seemed to be the ideal candidate but he wouldn't say for sure until the day arrived. When I use the term "natural" delivery......I don't mean drug free. I was reminded earlier this week that more people read than I realize so I'm going to use "natural" in place of the v-word.

Upon reaching the 39-week mark we scheduled an induction. It had been SO frustrating not to have a date set and I just couldn't believe I had made it to that point. Induction was scheduled for Friday then shortly after moved up to Valentine's Day. I already had an appointment scheduled for that morning at the office-we kept it so he could confirm their head down positions and check my progress. They were still head down and I was 3cm dilated. Dr. Swanson sent us straight to St. Agnes to start the induction.

I had been induced (after my water broke but I wasn't progressing) with Gage and Gracie and both deliveries were very easy. I had relatively little pain and both of them came within 8 hours. I went into the twins delivery thinking it wouldn't be much different. Pretty naive.

The induction started with Pitocin around 1:30 in the afternoon. Things were going pretty well and the anesthesiologist was sent in to get me set up before I was even in any real pain. This epidural just didn't feel the same. I felt pain, I felt heat, and something just seemed weird. I felt like I was going to pass out and it that feeling wouldn't go away. I started to have anxiety (which I never have) because I'd felt so faint, I couldn't stop shivering and something had just seemed different when I was getting the epidural. I did my best to take deep breaths and stay calm in attempt to curb the shivering. My mom and sister were in and out of the room along with my mother and father in law. Around 6:30 it came time to send me in to the operating room. I had to deliver in the operating room just in case an emergency c-section was necessary. After the first baby was delivered they would do an ultrasound to be sure the second baby hadn't flipped to breech position and I could continue without a c-section.

As they wheeled me in I heard an excited voice say, "There are LOTS of people here on your delivery team today!". I couldn't see everyone but I could hear several voices.....two anesthesiologists behind my head, another OB, Dr. Dickensen, there to assist Dr. Swanson, three nurses lined up against the cabinets, a nurse next to me, a nurse next to Dr. Swanson. I could only see Matt, Dr. Swanson, and my nurse, Tiffany. Then they moved me to the operating table where I had to lay flat. This is when my anxiety got REALLY bad. I hadn't been able to lay flat during the pregnancy since sometime around 4 months. Even a reclined position made me feel like I was going to pass out. So as I laid flat on the operating table the pressure of the babies again made me feel like I was going to faint. As the first baby moved into position I felt extreme pain against my ribs and short of breath and I was still shivering uncontrollably.

I had requested a lower dose for my epidural than I'd had with Gracie so I could definitely feel the contractions and the pressure to push. As it came time to push with the first baby I was still feeling short of breath and the pain in my ribs. After just three big pushes our precious baby girl had arrived. I felt IMMENSE relief. Suddenly the pressure under my ribs was gone. They quickly showed her to me on her way out. I heard, five pounds, thirteen ounces, 7:04pm......she had the tiniest little face I'd ever seen. But that was it-time to deliver our little boy. So they checked his position. Still head down so we were ready to continue on. Minutes passed and my cervix was back to only 7 cm dilated. I guess my body thought I was done. Pitocin was increased and I slowly dilated back to 9 cm. I never reached 10 cm but time was passing so I had to push.

Tiffany and Matt were watching my contractions on the monitor and helping coach me through each set of pushing. Three big pushes passed and this little guy wasn't going to come as easily. A few more rounds of pushing passed and I was starting to feel really tired. I had no idea how much time had passed but I remember thinking that my family was probably worried in the waiting room that I wasn't out yet. Fourteen rounds of pushing and over an hour later and he still wasn't out. Dr. Swanson was telling me that I needed to get it done......encouraging words from Tiffany and Matt were helping but I was feeling so weak and tired.....spent. Dr. Swanson said "You've got to get it done here, honey" and Matt was telling me that I could. I didn't know at the time but his heart rate was dropping and too much time was passing for his heart rate to be that low. I gave it everything I had-and an hour and twelve minutes after his sister, our little boy made his way into the world. I heard seven pounds, three ounces, 8:16pm.....they gave me a quick glance at him and he (at the time) looked just like her but bigger and darker. I cried.......I've always cried tears of joy when my babies were born but I have to say-these were tears of tired. I was exhausted. When they read his birth time I couldn't believe over an hour had passed in between.

I know my mom, sister and in-laws were there. Jeff, Hally and Lauren came to the hospital that night and brought us burgers from In-and-Out (Side note just for Ally-I kept telling Matt to go ahead and eat his even though I was busy nursing and couldn't eat yet-he refused and insisted on waiting for me, ha!). I'm just not even sure I acknowledged anyone being there. I know my nurse came in when the shift changed and I'm not even sure I said thank you.

There are no words to express my gratitude for the whole experience. Believe it or not-this recovery has been no worse (in fact in some ways better) than the first two. My pelvic bones are in more discomfort as I shift back but otherwise I'm better off than I was with the other two. I am so thankful Dr. Swanson went through with the natural delivery (his first of twins in 14 years according to Matt). Tiffany was an amazing nurse. She was gentle yet very encouraging.....I could feel her genuine concern for the babies and me and I felt very well cared for. I want to give her the biggest hug. I'm so grateful for all of the hands that were at work in the operating room for the delivery looking out for me and my tiny babies. And Matt......he was so encouraging. I know he was getting worried at the end but I found he gave me such strength. And God-I prayed many times through the labor and delivery and found peace in knowing He is always with me-His rod and staff they comfort me.

The experience wasn't all as pretty and perfect as I'd imagined it would be. I had been joking with my friend Courtney about how with the induction I would finally be able to put on a little make-up and have my hair done for a delivery (Gage and Gracie both came in the middle of the night and I had to roll out of bed). Then right after the epidural a cold cloth had to be put on my forehead and there went my hair.....it dripped down my face and there went my make up. Dang. It was painful at times......frightening at times......and certainly exhausting.....in the same breath it couldn't have been any more perfect......

More to come....

Love

I can't believe they're still in here......

I'm sure most of you thought my next blog post would be on the twins arrival--yeah, me too........

I'm not really sure why I thought the babies would be here by now.......I guess since Gage and Gracie came at the average time (near due dates) and they were pretty much average size babies I thought the twins would follow the average too. We're on the LONG side now-I'm trying to look at the up side of that but it's hard. It sounds strange but I want to do a jumping jack......or a jump squat......or walk the trail.......something that makes me feel like I'm in control of my body-because right now-I don't.

At my last appointment Dr. Swanson decided that he would see me tomorrow (Monday), if they haven't come on their own by then, and we'll make a decision about what we want to do. It's rare for twins and their mothers to be without any complications at this point-but like he said-I could be the poster child for carrying twins. I have done A LOT (probably too much) reading online and it's hard to sort through what's research based and what's just someone's experience. I kept reading and hearing that twins should come by 38 weeks because the tides turn and it becomes more dangerous to leave them in. I've since learned that's based on placental degradation and is really just a risk for twins that share a placenta-and ours don't. I have also learned that from this point (I'm now just over 38 weeks) there doesn't seem to be any data showing any benefit to them staying in any longer. So that will make the decision tough on Monday-to induce or to wait a little longer? I just can't even believe I might have to make that decision.....I thought they would have been here by now.

I have to remember that I am still the envy of many mothers-those who are struggling to have babies, those that had their twins come too early, those that had to spend time with their babies in the NICU wondering if and when they would get to come home, those who had trouble for weeks getting their babies to nurse because they weren't mature enough to latch on. It could certainly be worse than waiting......and I keep my focus there.

To take my mind off of the wait I finally just gave in and brought my sewing stuff back out......a few pacifier clips......

a couple of little knit hats.....
a few tie onesies-nothing too big but enough to keep me busy while I wait around for these two........

In big kid news Gage has lost one of his front teeth.......

and Gracie has just been busy growing her hair.........

 and horseback riding........

This chalkboard was another sweet gift from the Spencer's........it will probably have this little saying for quite a while cause I've never been great at writing with chalk-time for a Pinterest tutorial.........

Next post will HOPEFULLY share the story of the twins arrival..........

Love.