Last week I saw this post, titled Why I Do NOT Care About Teaching My Toddler about Letters, Shapes and Colors, on my friend Jackie's Facebook......and I was just about to blog on a similar topic.....
When Gage was younger I thought I was some kind of amazing mother. He slept through the night early and always, I could take him anywhere, he was an early talker, he was affectionate but not needy, he was never shy or afraid of anyone and everyone would tell me how smart he was. I realized after having three more (especially after Gracie crying for the first 9 months of life, rarely breaking a smile until she reached a year old and her still strong fear of everything) that I just got lucky-he was born a sleeper, an early talker and open to new people-I really had nothing to do with it. I really didn't have much to do with how smart he was either. Often when I went to "teach" Gage something as a toddler-he already knew the answers. "What color is that truck?"......"White......it's a cement truck, Mom" he answered as if I was completely stupid for asking. It didn't take much for me to realize that he would learn MUCH more through observation of the world than he ever would from formal teaching. I think we all know that but sometimes is easy to get caught up.......
Admission: I compare myself and my children to other families......I think EVERY parent does that sometimes. A girlfriend will post a video of their little one counting to ten and I'll think, "Crap, I haven't taught Gracie to count at all". Or one will ask, "Are you doing any activities with Gracie.....dance? Little Gym? A "2s" class?" and I'll politely answer "Not right now....." even though a more honest answer would be, "No. She doesn't need it and paying a babysitter or dragging the twins to such a thing just doesn't sound like fun." Or I'll have friends ask, "What activities are you putting Gage in? Did he play baseball this year? Is he playing soccer?" and I'll start to wonder if I should be putting him in something. Should I make sure he goes to a baseball camp so he's not behind the others? What if he decides he wants to play later and he sucks because he didn't do the camps? Should we be out back practicing for soccer every evening since he's playing this year? Then there's the school stuff.....like sight words.....don't even get me started with analyzing how many sight words he knows.....if he's earned his "ice cream scoop" at school......if he's become a "Math Marlin" and on........and on.......and on.......
Then I stop and think.......
That is so stupid of me.....
This year Gage started first grade and these first few weeks have been an adjustment. The homework is about two to three times what he had in kindergarten and the school day is more than twice as long for him. Pick up from school is 3:15 and by the time he gets home and has a snack it's 4 o' clock. Quiet time around here is limited so 30 minutes of homework easily turns into an hour with changing diapers and shushing babies. By then it's time to start dinner so it's on the table by 5:15 because on Tue/Thu soccer practice is 6-7pm. By the time that's over we barely have time to get in a shower and read books before we start all over again. Last week I got up in the morning and Gage was playing with K'nex in his room. I said, "Bud, you've gotta get in the shower and start getting ready for school." He said, "Mom, I just want to play.......I never just get time to just play." I was so sad. He's right. Between school, homework, sight words, reading, spelling test practice, soccer, etc. there is little time for him to just play. Plus he still has to help around the house because he needs to learn responsibility here too-garbage duty, mail pick up, setting the table, helping with his laundry....
I want to make sure that all my kids have time to JUST play......and not an "educational game". In order to do that I've certainly got to stop making comparisons. It's not that I've ever thought my children need to be THE BEST but at the same time NO ONE wants their kid to be the last one to learn their sight words.....or the last one picked for a team......or the one that reads so slow in class everyone cringes when the teacher calls their name.
But, more importantly......the kids to know that's it's okay if they ARE the last one picked for dodge ball, or the last one to become a Math Marlin.....because they're deeply loved no matter what.
So......I'm not worried about teaching my toddler (Gracie) anything right now. I don't care if she learns her letters or how to count. She's got PLENTY of time for that and those things will come to her in a natural way because we value them. The article linked above says, "THAT is why I could care less about abstract lessons these days, there is real teaching to be done in the subject of being human. I am less concerned about raising a vessel that holds information and more concerned with raising a functional human being." Now is the time to teach them kindness, gentleness and self-control. The biggest influence, I have to remember, is me. It's a time for me to slow down and make sure that I'm not too busy to say my please and thank yous....or to offer help to others......or to tickle.....or to give long hugs.....or to read "Bunnies Picnic" for the tenth time......or to write a thank you card.....or to drop cookies off for the neighbors. It's a time for her to run in the sprinkler in nothing but a diaper or sit for 45 minutes on the swing at the park just people watching. It's a time for spending the extra ten minutes in a stand off waiting for her to say "I'm sorry" before I let her move on. With that she is learning far more than she ever will formally.....at least I hope she is.
As Gage has become "school-age" I worry more than ever about the many influences on his character. For soccer this year he picked out some really flashy cleats (see pics below). When he asked what I thought of them I said, "Those are awesome. They're really bright." Another person told him that it takes confidence to wear those cleats. Gage then asked me what confidence is. I explained that it meant that he wouldn't be shy on the soccer field and that he would be sure of his ability-he would know that he would be successful. Thankfully, he then asked, "What does that have to do with my cleats?" to which I answered-"Nothing." I hope that he never thinks confidence is illustrated by drawing attention. Gage has never been shy.....he's always LOVED to talk and had enough confidence to talk to anyone....but I hope is confidence is always quiet.
Obviously as a former teacher (and teacher still at heart) I value education. I have high expectations for my children's academic success. But I don't want to get so caught up that I forget to teach them how to treat others they way they would want to be treated.....to have integrity.......to be humble.......to be helpful to others. I can't let them grow up without knowing how to deal with disappointment.....how to laugh at themselves......and how to forgive. They need to know that a friend who exhibits empathy and love for others is much more sought after than the winner of the spelling bee or the best kid on the basketball team......and that higher test scores and athletic success certainly don't equate to a happier life.
Sometimes when I sit to do homework with Gage I want to rip my hair out in frustration as he doesn't perform well.........other times we sit down and he acts like it's the easiest thing he's ever done. So.....I'm learning that when we're frustrated I need to just say, "Go play for a while"........because although homework must be done-he NEEDS time to play too.......
Gage's 7th Birthday (Jaden, Alec, PJ, and Gage)-Disney's Planes and Me-N-Eds Coney Island for pizza....
First soccer game of the season......
We had a play date at Christina's and Matt asked if he was supposed to be a Mexican in a sombrero or a cowboy.....so I've titled this pic "El Vaquero"
Ashlyn......sweetest baby girl......
I started this post almost three weeks ago......I start writing and then someone wakes up, or poops their pants, or is found chewing on the plug to the swing, or needs to eat, or needs to be held, or needs help with homework. I try to write when the kids go to bed but once that happens I do a quick clean of the house and I'm ready for bed myself. My point is that I'm going to TRY to blog more often-the result will certainly be posts that don't really have a conclusion....but this life has yet to conclude so I'm going to just post as I go......for now.....I think.....we'll see.....
Love.
