Gage's surgery

Last week Gage had surgery to correct an inguinal hernia.  I won't go into detail but the experience couldn't have been any better. We are so lucky to be just a ten minute drive from Children's Hospital. Here are some images from our day......
Waiting......

6 a.m. is early.......

 "Stop with the pictures!!"

 He brought "Snakie" with him......

 Recovery......

 His favorite part of recovery was his glowing thumb......

We were in and out within five hours. He told me, "I don't want to have surgery again until I'm an adult. That going to sleep kinda creeped me out."

His recovery was fairly easy and he's feeling normal already, though he'll be on limitations until two weeks have passed.

Love.

Our November.......

Recently I wrote three posts in a row.....and I haven't been heard from since. Those were written while Matt was gone for ten days. He went on a hunting trip with his dad and brothers in Colorado. As it came up I would often get, "Ten days?", and variations of "Are you going to be okay with him gone?" In being completely honest.....it was actually a little easier. Don't get me wrong-I missed him, Gage kept fearing that he would be gone for his homecoming and Gracie kept saying, "I miss my daddy at home". But it was easier in other ways. I made spaghetti (because it's the kids fave and not Matt's) and it lasted us three dinners. That meant two nights with no dishes. It also allowed for an earlier dinner time and less stressful power hour (the window of time between dinner and bedtime that includes baths, teeth brushing, and books for everyone). It also left the evenings free to write a few posts. The time change was brutal. One day I found Gracie asleep in the middle of the living room floor. 

She was so pretty......

One evening, while Matt was away, Gage was gone and the babies were being particularly fussy. I decided to follow the lead of a friend and I put them in the car. I drove through Panda Express for an enormous iced tea and through Sonic for a treat to share with Gracie. On my way I turned the radio up and enjoyed some music therapy. I had an overwhelming craving for a cigarette.....I was awfully close to our friend's Courtney and Doogs. They smoke. They would give me a cigarette. Don't do it, I told myself, just go home and put the kids to bed. 

No idea where that came from. I've never been a smoker. I can only guess that it was some subconscious need for stress relief. It didn't seem any more challenging in his absence......but maybe there was some part that was...... 

Several months ago, when the twins were about two months old, Matt went on a two-night away trip for work. I laid down in bed for the evening and a horrible thought crossed my mind. What if my house was on fire? How would I get the kids out by myself? Would I grab the babies and just plop them on the front lawn while I ran back for Gage and Gracie? Would I grab the twins then try to wake Gage while holding them by shaking him with my foot-then have him help me get Gracie? Which one is best? How would I do it? Could I get my children out in time? 

I felt weak....my stomach hurt......it was weird. I mean, first of all I'm not usually a worrier. Second, the feelings of helplessness and incompetence were so real even though the circumstances were not. There was no fire....and nothing had happened that day to make me feel overwhelmed. I guess that's just how mom's are sometimes.  I talked myself down.....this house isn't going to catch fire and if it did-you would figure it out......if it means plopping your babies down on the front lawn while you go back for the others, so be it. I think some mamas struggle with this all the time; I'm glad I don't. Worries take precious time.

Last night was a long one. The first long night (at home) that we've had in a while. Jay had a high fever that, at it's worst, reached 104.2. Poor pumpkin. He wasn't himself and Matt and I were up a good portion of the night putting cloths on him trying to cool down his little diaperless bum. Even though it was scary it was also precious and......joyous in some strange way. Something I needed. He would shiver with this exhausted look while nuzzling into our shoulders. As I held him I looked at his tiny and perfect toes. I rubbed his soft skin and admired his fuzzy hair. As the Tylenol kicked in his eyes would come back to life. He would start to smile......and babble......and laugh. Jay has this hilarious laugh he shares when you catch his eye. I've yet to catch it on camera but I will. It was intimate time with him that in the hustle and bustle can often be missed. 

Perfect little Jay toes......

That little laugh I just love......

His teeth crack me up.....Jay-7, Ashlyn-0

Our nights are so hectic I don't really sit and spend time with the twins the way I did Gage and Gracie. I don't rock them to sleep or read them a bedtime story (YET). So even though it kept us up and had us worried-I enjoyed the time just admiring his perfect little self. 

Enjoy a few more pics...... 

 Avocados and Raspberries......

Love

 Hate

Until next time..... 

Love. 

  

Llama Llama Careless Mama.....

These little people......

I love them so much......too much. 

We have a regular sitter, Alyssa. She's here every Wednesday while I take Gage to the library and every at least one other day while I work in his classroom. She watches the kids for all kinds of other appointments and errands. We are so fortunate to have her. Alyssa does a lot of fabulous things-she cleans out the dishwasher and takes out the garbage. She helps with the laundry and keeps the house tidy when she's here. She also takes the kids to the park and brings bubbles for the backyard. But my favorite thing about Alyssa is that she gives a loving greeting to each of my children when she arrives and every time she leaves. She always tells Gage something like, "Good luck at your soccer game" or "You were really helpful today" She always asks Gracie to give her a love before she goes. She goes to each of the babies and brushes their cheek or rubs their back to say goodbye. I love that.....more on that in another post. 

Anyway-I don't worry about the kids with her. I don't really worry about my kids at all. I'm not a worrier by nature. My friend Chrissy, over at Life with Greyson and Parker wrote this post comparing herself to Wilma Jean the Worry Machine. I laughed. And realized my book would be something more like Llama Llama Careless Mama (not a real book, but maybe it should be). It's rare for me to worry......it recently kinda bit me in the behind......

I got a notice in Gage's communication folder from school that we needed to show proof of a recent physical by November. He was current on all his vaccines and I thought he'd had a physical within the 18-month time requirement so I called his doctor. They let me know that Gage hadn't been seen in two years. Oops. He's always been healthy and I didn't realize that much time had passed. I let them know that Gage needed to get in soon and was informed that the earliest opening was December. I would need to take him somewhere else or wait for a cancellation. An hour later she called me because they had a cancellation. I had one day's notice and it was at the exact same time we had our appointment for the walk-through of the rental house. So I called Alyssa. I decided that she would take Gage for his well-child visit for me......because he's healthy-nothing to worry about. 

Around the time I thought his appointment should be done I sent Alyssa a text to check on Gage. She replied that she would call me back......hmm, that's weird. Shortly after my text she called and filled me in on his appointment......where she and Gage learned that he has an inguinal hernia and would likely need surgery. What?!?! She gave me Dr. Martin's explanation of the surgery and what it entails. First of all-had I any knowledge they would be doing a groin check at his appointment I would have waited until I could go myself. Second-my son needs surgery!! What?!? 

Ugh....it was a real mom-of-the-year moment for me. Alyssa said that Gage told Dr. Martin, "Um.....I think we need to talk to my mom about this first!" and since he was obviously a little stressed out so she took him for an ice cream before returning to school. That's what I get for being so laissez faire.......guilt that I wasn't there with him in such a moment. The good news is that kids are resilient......Gage has already moved on. We've now been to Children's Hospital to confirm that he will need surgery......and in typical Gage fashion he is excited-it's taking everything he has not to tell EVERYONE about it.

The number one compliment I get as a mother (from other mothers) is that I'm so calm.......at least, I take it as a compliment. It has a down side......ONE-I don't worry-even when I probably should and TWO-I really only feel comfortable in calm. I don't get excited easily-good or bad. I thrive in peace and quiet....which can be challenging for a mother of four. Recently, another mom came by in the afternoon. While she was here I noticed she gave such an animated response to everything my kids said or did. I've seen her do it with her own children, often. Gage was giving her the raised eyebrows and almost shocked laughing smile. I was admiring that, because that's something I rarely give my kids. Even when my kids to something that warrants a really excited "Good Job!!" they don't usually get it. It just doesn't come to me naturally. That's okay......I recognize my own strengths and weaknesses.

Maybe I'll work on getting more excited......or maybe I'll just work on getting more peace and quiet.....depends on who I am that day.....

Love.

How I ruined our anniversary......and had a revelation

This year Matt and I celebrated our third wedding anniversary. Our marriage is busy and wonderful, easy and FULL. On the surface our marriage looks great-four beautiful children, a new home on the horizon, and I'm able to stay home with our children while Matt supports our family with a great job. Beneath all that is something even more beautiful. It is patience, forgiveness, gentleness, contentedness......

It's a busy time in our lives so there was no getting away. We went to dinner on our actual anniversary at Fleming's and exchanged gifts.

Before I go into how I ruined our anniversary let me give a background on how I've been feeling lately.......like crap. When I peer into my closet there is nothing new, nothing stylish, nothing that makes me feel great. I wear gym clothes every day. I actually decided to wear normal clothes to work in Gage's class a couple of weeks ago. I kid you not-he asked me, "What happened to your gym clothes?" Then, I've caught myself in pictures and realized that my life without makeup really ought to come to an end. I've lost my pregnancy weight and I feel like I look pretty good. But my diastisis recti has resulted in a little tummy pooch that may never go away and I still have a little muffin top in most of my jeans. I just haven't been feeling good.

So the evening of our anniversary I went to get dressed. I had something in mind to wear but when I put it on it looked terrible. It wasn't because I looked terrible but the dress was not flattering and the color washed me out. I needed makeup but since I don't wear any I didn't even HAVE any. So I tried, unsuccessfully, to put together another outfit. I was feeling awful. We decided to exchange gifts before dinner. I gave Matt a leather garment bag for when he travels. He gave me a gorgeous Chanel bag.

I cried. They weren't the tears of joy that some might expect. They were sad tears. I thought, "Where the heck am I ever going to carry this?.....I don't ever even get dressed.....he spent so much for something I'll never use....I couldn't even get dressed for dinner tonight...." Poor Matt. He jokingly said, "So I should have bought you the leather diaper bag instead?"

Don't worry-I've since made a turnaround. I realize that it's a gorgeous and timeless bag......something that I can pull out years from now and cherish as my third anniversary gift. If he had given something to carry everyday it would be trashed in a few months because my life doesn't allow for being any kind of careful right now.

It led me on a little journey......

The next morning I was still upset. Not about the bag but just the way I was feeling. I called Kirtie to come over and help me sort my life out. She assured me that for the most part I'm very happy and content but it would be weird if I didn't cry and have a little breakdown every once in a while. She reminded me that for the last three years my body has not been my own. I hadn't really thought about that but she was right. I've either been pregnant or nursing for three straight years. That's a long time. Thank you, friend, for helping me. I realized that it's okay to wear my gym clothes but I also need to get dressed up sometimes.....and that I need to start wearing makeup sometimes....and that I need to take time to make those things happen for myself.

So I started with makeup. My mom never wore makeup until my adult life so it's not something I'm familiar with. I've always thought I'd look better with makeup but anytime I've had it done I felt like I looked like a clown. Even in small amounts I would look in the mirror and see someone else. And honestly-when I look in the mirror I feel like I look okay without it. The problem is when I see myself in pictures I realize that I don't look okay. I look like dark circles. Anyway, I knew I couldn't go it alone but I wanted to find someone to help me stay natural looking. One of the mom's in Gage's class is a makeup artist that works in television-she offered to help me! She took me to Sephora and gave me a little lesson in makeup. It was hilarious. I had all three little ones with me but at the same time I felt like I was twelve years old. I couldn't believe how sweet she was to offer me that help. It was the first time someone has done my makeup and I still felt I looked like myself!

Then I had an appointment with Carrie. I always love my hair but even that has been a mess lately with my post-childbirth hair regrowth. I have little baby hairs all around my hairline that make my hair look fuzzy. Of course Carrie saved the day and changed it up with some shorter bangs and highlights. She's the best.

I have yet to shop for clothes. All of the kids needed winter clothes so time and money went to them instead. Maybe Santa will bring me a mini wardrobe.

All of that was a start, but then.......I had a revelation. I realized we have not been to church regularly since the twins were born. That was over eight months ago. I realized that just that one thing-going to church-would help me. Not only would I have to get pretty to attend-when I arrived my soul would be filled. I KNOW that this alone will be a huge help. I can't wait to let you know how getting back to regular services helps me.

Luckily my husband is understanding. He makes sure I know that he finds me beautiful with disheveled hair and a baby on each hip. The thing is-I know he does. I always feel loved. But it's not just about him, it's about me. As a mom-I feel great. All things considered, I keep it together pretty well. But I'm more than just a mama and I need to feel good about myself away from the house and kids. So I'm on my journey to feeling better.......I'll keep you posted on how it goes.....

Love.

I've fallen so behind.....

I've committed to catching up on the blog this week......it's been more than a while......

Let me start with WHY it's been so long.

We moved. Into a rental. Four bedrooms. Aaaahhh. We bought a lot so we'll be building but we needed another bedroom in the meantime so we moved into a rental just 3 doors down from our house. We were able to stay in the neighborhood we love. But-due to the move we were two weeks with no cable/internet. Obviously we had our phones/iPads but I wasn't going blog without a traditional keyboard. We went without because we wanted to keep our U-Verse but there was an engineering problem in our area that postponed our service. I wish we didn't love their product because their customer service is terrible.

Then we got sick. Stomach flu....just the 24 bug but when 5 out of 6 suffered it turned into a 120 hour flu. It caused us to miss pumpkin-carving at my mom's which was the ONLY Halloween festivity I had planned.

So much to catch up on, I'll do the best I can.

The twins have been sleeping in their own room since the move and it's been great. They'd been in our room since birth. It was REALLY wearing on Matt and me the last couple of months. They weren't sleeping through the night and we were waking up with every little noise they made sometimes several times a night. Eight months of poor sleep was really starting to wear us down. On top of that I had to work everything in my bedroom (showers/getting dressed/putting away laundry/etc) around their naps. Brutal. For the most part, they're sleeping through now and Matt and I are getting much better rest.

Matt and I celebrated our 3rd wedding anniversary on October 16th. That's right. Just. Three. Years. Briefly-October was a busy month for us so we went to dinner on our actual anniversary which was a Wednesday. We follow the traditional gifts and year three is leather. More on that in another post that doesn't feel so full of catch-up.

I've been working in Gage's class once/week. I like it better than kindergarten because I don't always have to work a station. I can just correct papers while getting a sneak peek. First grade is so important and I'm pleased that Gage has a teacher that he and I both love. She's no-nonsense and really good for him. At home I consider Gage a high-maintenance kid. He just requires a lot of attention because is constantly asking questions and always wants to engage in conversation.....and I love peace and quiet.  Having been a teacher I knew this would translate into high-maintenance in the classroom. Many kids require frequent redirection-sometimes it's a bother, and sometimes they are favorites. So far Gage is doing very well this year and he is eager to learn. Mrs. Brown had nothing but nice things to say about him.

Gracie's vocabulary is growing by leaps and bounds. She can be HILARIOUS. Her voice is really soft and sweet. One of our favorite things she says can be viewed in this video....

"I love you TOO much".......I can't get enough of it. I also love that she takes ownership of her siblings. Today we went to Gage's soccer game and as he ran over for water she said, "There he is! There's my Gage!"

The twins are growing like crazy. I can't believe they're almost 9 months old. This week I'm starting to transition to the bottle. I've made it this far so I was tempted to just go straight to the cup but I won't. Once I went to the cup with Gage and Gracie it was like pulling teeth to get them to drink enough milk. People are always surprised that I've nursed the twins for this long. I just never ran into any problems so I kept going. The only problem now is that I'm over it. It's too hard to hold them at the same time now. I used to grab Jay from his crib first, then get Ash. Now they're so eager to explore that they're jumping out of my arms.

Jay has four teeth in (2 bottom, 2 top) and two more top teeth are on their way. Today I noticed him move from one standing toy to another by holding on and taking a step. Yesterday he was pushing a toy while crawling when his hand slipped and he busted his lip. Minutes later he was trying to pull up using my bathroom drawer and he fell and bumped his head. He's eager to figure out the world, even if it hurts a little. He can be a little more needy than Ash.....he prefers to be held and given attention from me. We love his sweet and affectionate nature.

Ash still doesn't have any teeth and she's still our easiest baby. She has a very content nature. She's always willing to wait her turn and she'll just sit in the playpen and play quietly for as long as I need her to. She can pull herself to standing but when she gets tired she usually cries until I go over and help her sit back down. She's very friendly and it's easy to get a smile out of her.

Due to the move we didn't do much for Halloween early in the month. I just kept telling myself that we were going to my mom's for carving and that would be our big day. Since we had to miss we tried to make up for it by decorating cookies and carving a pumpkin here at home.

This year Gage was Iron Patriot.......

Gracie was Little Bo Peep......

and the twins her sheep......

Ashlyn......

 Jay...

I had tried to get Gage to be a zookeeper so the littles could all be zoo animals but he wasn't having it. I ordered costumes really early for all the kids. The only Bo Peep I liked arrived WAY too big for Gracie (even in the smallest size) so I decided to make her costume. This was my first zipper and I think it turned our pretty cute. I DID NOT make the sheep-those I ordered. Her costume was enough to take on, especially along with a move and our week of stomach flu.

Gracie was into the trick-or-treating; she liked it. Gage was really good with helping her walk to each door and keeping an eye on her. She had a brief breakdown when at one door the dog ran out. Gracie is petrified of dogs. You can see sheer terror in her face. It's innate, nothing bad has ever happened. It's embarrassing so I'm hoping she grows out of it-we're not getting a dog any time soon.

Yesterday we went to Gage's soccer game.....

 Gracie got a "pupcake" and just ate the frosting.....

Last night I took the big kids to the Fresno State tailgate for just a little while.

Then we came home to watch the game and Gage fell asleep by the end of the first quarter....

Matt's not home so I carried Gage to bed for the first time in while. He is so big I wasn't even sure I would be able to-but I did.

More pics from the last month......

 The reason you don't see many pics of Gage......

 Ash and her ears crack me up.....

 The result of making a bomber hat without a pattern-giant ear flaps

 Ashlyn....

 Tot time at the zoo, feeding elephants with my Gracie girl....

 Two standing-with-help babies.....

This is when I learned that taking four kids to Save Mart is easier than three. Gage kept an eye on Gracie and her cart for me......

 Sisters.....

 All the time.......

 Love this one.....

I love this picture because this is my everyday view......Gage doing homework, Gracie with her boots and grapes, and the twins naked and underfoot. Sums up our life.

 She still loves a sink bath.....

 All in the playpen......

 Ready for bed.....

 Big sister pushing the babies at the park....

 Love his face....

 and hers.....

 Working hard on our ponytail.....it's still a pigtail

 Spooky.....

 Ash's sweet little profile.....

 And her mean look.....

 Jay being big....

 All of them.....

 Until next time....which I hope is sooner than later....

Love.