This is me rambling......

My friend Danneal.....

and her husband, Josh, are expecting twin girls this fall. They have been busy preparing in every way possible-with three amazing kiddos already, chaos will certainly ensue when these little girls arrive. One thing they've wanted to get out of the way is naming and I find them to be amazing to have already come up with two names they can agree on (Matt and I fought up until the day Gracie was born about names). Problem is-when they've shared the names the response hasn't been all positive.....in fact, it's tipped in the direction of negative. It's causing her to second guess their choices. 

I learned as I had my own little ones not to really give an opinion on names either way. For one, I was a teacher and I've literally taught thousands of kids and many of them have a negative connotation for me-it's not fair. Secondly, who really cares about my opinion of a name? When they had their daughter, Paris, I wasn't fond of the name at all. But I love Paris....and I don't love her any less than I would if she had another name. 

My advice to her (and anyone expecting) is to keep the names to themselves. People will deal with it when it comes and they'll love the girls just the same. So no-I'm not going to tell you their potential names. 

Her husband has a feeling of "Who cares what people think??" But that's SO challenging. We WANT not to care what people think-but I think it's human nature to care. Considering this led me to think about the topic in depth..........I always see Facebook posts or pins on Pinterest stating that people shouldn't care what others think about them. Maybe I'm weird but for the most part-I realized I actually do care........

For example-when I was teaching.....I wanted kids to like my class-to learn something and love it at the same time. Part of being a good teacher is getting kids to like your class. Whether or not they enjoyed their time with me was a testament to how good I was at my job. Not only do I value what people think-I value what teenagers think!

And as a person-I want people to like me....it's a testament to my character, right? I know people aren't going to love every decision I make or have made......I don't like every decision I've made either. But if people don't like me-I'm probably not a nice person. I was taught to be kind......"The second is this-love your neighbor as yourself. There is no commandment greater than these" Mark 12:31. Of course I'm not always successful but people who abide by this are likable. So......I guess I want to be liked. 

As a mother-I want people to think I'm a good mother. The fact is......if they don't-I'm probably not. 

But I know that's maybe not the norm. It's just like talking behind my back-I would actually RATHER you say unkind things about me behind my back. I don't want to hear it. Let me give an example-When I met Matt I had just gotten out of another relationship. I had intended to spend some time being single but it didn't work out that way. Most people probably thought it was a bad idea to get into another relationship so quickly. I don't care if my friends talked about how they thought it was a bad idea. From the outside it probably seemed like it WAS a bad idea.....and I certainly didn't want or need to hear that. I would have rather they just said that behind my back. Honestly. 

I feel like I'm rambling so I'm gonna stop.....but is it just me? 

Love. 

"Got your keys mom?" PART 2

Let me explain how we know my Momnesia is worse than anyone else's.......this wouldn't be so significant except that I just spent time reflecting on this very topic......

Gage is taking summer fun classes through Clovis Adult Education-dinosaurs, wrestling, etc. This afternoon at ten till one (one being the time he's finished) I get a call from them saying that Gage is in the Summer Fun Zone waiting for me. "That's weird," I replied, "he should be in the Dinosaurs class until 1pm." "Oh no," she says, "Dinosaurs is only on Thursdays so he's been waiting in the Summer Fun Zone since his first class was over." His classes are all two days per week-except that one, and I clearly forgot.......or wasn't paying attention......or made an assumption......or something......wrong. So I have that worst mom ever feeling even though he was just fine with it when I picked him up. I'm lucky, Gage has a mature mind. He wasn't afraid that I didn't come to get him. In fact, he's been asking every day if he can go to that Summer Fun Zone and I say no...I'm pretty sure he didn't say anything to the staff earlier because he wanted to check it out and enjoy himself. I still felt awful.

Then it was time to run errands. I looked at my shopping list that and I realized that I COULD get them all at one place but my ONLY option was Walmart. Ugh.....it's the worst........but today it was better than making three stops so that's where we went. It was busy and annoying. We're almost done when Gage had to use the bathroom and couldn't hold it. He's in the "family" bathroom and after several minutes in there he peeks out and says he needs me to come in. I take the whole cart into the bathroom and he explains that every time he leans forward to wipe-the toilet flushes, it scares him and he has to "go" again. Awesome. Being a mom is so ridiculous sometimes.

Finally we check out and I unload the groceries. I always park next to a cart collection spot and Gage has the job of returning the cart. I set my purse down in the trunk and throw the keys on top, I unload the items, turn back to the cart with one hand and with other I close the trunk. I immediately realize the keys are in the trunk and they're locked inside.....along with my wallet, my phone, and my whole life except my children. So we head back inside and I ask to use the phone. The Walmart employee explains to me that I cannot use the phone because they had too many people abusing the phone by slamming it back down angrily.........seriously? Only Walmart. Am I really going to have to ask a stranger in Walmart to use their cell phone? I explain to her that I have no phone, my keys and purse are locked in my car and I have two small children to tend to-I really need to use the phone. She hesitantly gives in. To make a long story short we waited about 20 minutes for the tow truck and he was able to get us taken care of very quickly.

We get in the car and I say, "This has been a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day." We've been reading that book that last couple weeks and to me-it wasn't my best day..........first I forgot (or whatever) to pick my kid up from summer school then I lock my keys in the car at Walmart of all places. Gage responds, "I thought today was awesome. I got to go to Summer Fun Zone and run around in the big gym and watch a movie and I got to ride in a tow truck!! I mean, that was better than the garbage truck. I think I want to drive a tow truck when I grow up instead of being a garbage man!!"

Perspective, right? So I did have to spend 20 more minutes at Walmart than I wanted......but what a great time to teach my kids lessons of what NOT to wear and how NOT to behave....and Gage had a blast at Summer Fun Zone and got to ride in a tow truck. Things could always be worse........

Your Momnesia could be as bad as mine!! Until next time....

Love.

Finding a wahine........

Last night I took the kids for a walk/bike ride down the trail and this was our conversation......

Gage: "Mom, can we go back to Hawaii?"

Me: "Maybe someday we'll go back but that's not an easy trip. It's not somewhere we can just go visit anytime...."

Gage: "Would you want me to live in Hawaii when I grow up?"

Me: "No.....it would be hard for me to visit you there. I wouldn't see you and your family as often as I'd want to"

Gage: "I think I'll go to Hawaii to look for a girl......and if I don't find one there I'll come back to Fresno to find one...."

Me: "Why do you need to find a girl?"

Gage: "I need someone to feed the fish....."

Me: "Feed the fish???"

Gage: "Yeah, I'm gonna have a HUGE fish tank when I grow up and I'll need her to feed the fish and do the chores...."

Me: "You're going to need a girl to feed your fish and do your chores for you...........where are you going to be when all this is going on?"

Gage: "At work. Just like Matty goes to work and you do all the chores. I'm gonna be at work and she's going to do the chores and feed the fish!"

The End.

Hope you enjoyed.

Love.

Got your keys mom??

That was a question my brother asked my mom EVERY time we got out of the car as kids. I'll get back to that later.....

Gage enjoys summer nights learning to do cartwheels.......

 Climbing the fence to visit with the neighbors.....

 And working on balance.......

 Gracie spends hers bottoms up....

 Enjoying her first Otter Pop :).....

 Clapping her hands.....

 And watching Gage in wonder......

Can you believe Gracie's chompers? They are so big for such a little peanut.....

Back to "Got your keys mom?".........Last Wednesday the kids and I headed out to run errands. Long story short I was in Matt's car instead of mine. We pulled into the parking lot of Joann Fabrics when I realized I had left my wallet in MY car-which was parked at my house. I HAD to have the fabric to finish a gift so we headed home to pick up my wallet. As I pulled in the driveway I realized I should probably make a bottle for Gracie and grab an iced tea for myself too. So I ran in and made a quick bottle for Gracie and a tea for myself. I got back in the car, put it in reverse to leave and Gage said, "Did you get your wallet mom?"............Wow. I'm an idiot. I DID NOT get my wallet. Luckily we were still in the driveway so I grabbed my wallet and we continued on with our errands. 

It's the story of my life......searching frantically for my phone before I finally realize that I'm talking on it. Sometimes it's my keys that get lost, others it's sunglasses.......or diaper bag.....or my list-you know, the one I made so I don't forget anything. Constantly I find myself running back in the house and still something is always left behind. I think every mother goes through this phase but I'm not sure there are any mothers worse than me on this one. 

We live ever on the bright side over here though.........so I might forget my list, phone, keys, wallet, planner, diaper bag or sunglasses........BUT-I've never forgotten my kids. I've never left them anywhere, I've never forgotten to feed them, bathe them, say good morning and goodnight, read to them daily, and never has a day gone by that I forgot to tell them "I love you". In the big scheme of life........I guess I'm doing alright. 

Love.

Father's Day......

Just a quick re-cap of ours.......

For Christmas Matt got me a new camera......sadly it took months to for me to really figure out how to use it.  For Father's Day I decided to do a little photo shoot with the kids-similar to something I saw on Pinterest. I'm lucky-Matt appreciates these types of gifts.

We had a good picture of Gage within five minutes............

Gracie on the other hand........she wasn't really ready for picture day

She likes to challenge her mama........she ate several of those little caterpillar tree droppings and I just went with it. Finally we got just a couple we could use......

The final product.......

And this.....

Gage was hilarious on this one.....he insisted that Matt's hair was black and his eyes were blue, even after looking at pictures from the wedding. Both are actually brown. I thought it was sweet that he said Matt's favorite food is my cooking. I wouldn't say it's his favorite, but he compliments my cooking and is always sure to thank me (and have Gage do the same) when I prepare a meal.

On Saturday the kids and I were in Weldon for my sister-in-law's baby shower....

Matt stayed home to work on a little project he's got going......

 More on that in another post.

Our Father's Day weekend was just what Matt wanted-simple. I made migas for breakfast, he watched golf and worked on his project and we hung out with the kids. Weekends like this can get few and far between when life gets busy. I'm glad we both enjoy slow and quiet time together......right now it's rare but someday that's probably all we'll have.

Love.

Giving off good vibes......

Yesterday an old friend came by to visit. I say old because we met in college and now that I think about it that was over ten years ago. Wow. Much has changed in those ten years. She has a wonderful life-happily married, a world traveler, she volunteers and mentors young women. It's very different from mine-changing diapers, teaching sight words, cooking, cleaning. While she was here she shared (as she has before) that she has no desire to have children......that her and her husband have (pretty much) decided not to.

People think they're crazy.......but I think it's GREAT that they have made this decision. Having children changes your life forever.......many of your own dreams and passions may be put on hold. If you don't want to put your own desires on hold-then you probably shouldn't have children. I think it's awesome they have the confidence and self-awareness to make that choice.

On the other hand, I ALWAYS wanted to be a mother. That's why I became a teacher. It wasn't because I want to fill the world with knowledge about biology. It's because I enjoy nurturing.....being part of growth.

This post wasn't supposed to be about friendship but while I have it in mind-I think sometimes this way I have even seeps into friendship for me. I remember once discussing love and relationships with my friend Kirtie.......and sharing with her that doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results was the same in love as it is in life-it's insanity.


Isn't she beautiful? In the months following her life changed and she fell in the right love-I was overjoyed to watch it happen. And it goes both ways-the only reason I HAD any advice to give was because my amazing friend, Kelsi, took me a through a therapeutic discovery of what would bring me true joy. I love learning too.


I call her my friend soul mate.

------------

But back to momming-from day to day I don't really THINK about being a mom, I just am. I do what needs to be done with and for my children, my husband, and my household. Days just pass sometimes with little reflection on what's actually happening.

Tonight I was walking around Joann fabrics shopping for projects and talking to Gracie. "Gracie, do you like this one?............Do you think this would make a pretty dress for you?............How about for Calista, you think she would like this one?" I don't think about what I'm doing-it's just what I do. At the cut counter there's a girl that we often see working there. We discussed what I needed and she said sincerely to me, "I always see you in here with your kids. You seem to really enjoy being a mom."

Um........what? Me? Really?..............I mean, I LOATHE taking the kids to Joann Fabrics. I'm always wishing I were there by myself......I managed to get out a "thank you".

It was one of those moments that I felt God speaking to me. This week Gage has been down at the farm (my in-laws) and although I miss him I have REALLY enjoyed the quiet time. There are so many moments when I just long for peace, quiet, and ten minutes to myself. I don't feel guilty about it-every mom has those moments. But............it was so nice to know that those feelings.....the ones of wishing I were shopping alone, or yearning to get away from my kids..........are NOT the ones I'm sharing with the world. This girl sees me in one my least favorite things to do with my kids-and still she sees that I really enjoy being a mother. Oh............how I hope that my children see the same thing......because I LOVE being their mother.

This was what Gage chose the day we went to Barnes and Noble. Two books about science and two "I can read" books?? That's mama's boy.......

And this one.....precious baby girl. She came out wide-eyed with such a curious nature. I really think she's going to be just like her dad-so smart......

I don't enjoy every minute of motherhood.......but not a moment passes that I don't love them and love being their mama.

Love.

Turning 31.....

At most of life's milestone birthdays I've been distracted by something other than the fact that I was getting older. Turning 25 was a milestone for many of my friends but I was 7 months pregnant with Gage on my 25th birthday and becoming a mother made me feel much older than just turning 25. On my 30th birthday I was in my 9th month of pregnancy with Gracie.....so my plan for a Vegas 30th birthday weekend didn't quite pan out. Turning 30 didn't feel..........anything, I was only longing to have that baby. I don't feel 31......I feel like my older sister is 31.....but she's 35 and that makes me 31. Teaching kept me young; now that I don't teach I feel so out of the loop.....I didn't realize how much I depended on the kids to keep me up on the trends!!

And want to know what made me think I was a little old this year???

My birthday gift from Matt.....

Don't get me wrong-it's amazing and I LOVE it!!!!! But really......a sewing machine? That's what I longed for? What's next.........."mom" jeans?

NO WAY. I love youth and I'm going to stay as young as long I can. I take care of myself-I stay active, I wear sunscreen every day, I read and continue learning, I maintain a healthy diet and I ENGAGE with my children. As I shared in my first post, my Noni inspired me by welcoming the changes of the world. She held tight to her faith in God but always embraced new trends, new technologies, and new ways to do things.

I've often been told I have an old soul........and that may be true but just as my Noni did-I'll always remain young in spirit!

Happy Birthday to me, it's wonderful to be 27.

Love.

June Eleven

When I was a little girl my Grandma Syble took care of me during the day while my mother worked. My Grandpa (Don) taught me my birthday from a very young age. I must have started by missing the TH at the end of June eleventh because together we ALWAYS referred to my birthday as June eleven. How I can hear his booming voice. My memory isn't great but I will never forget his voice saying, "DUSTY!!!" when he would come in for lunch. It was as though he was overjoyed to find that I was there.......even though I was there every day. I remember wearing his white t-shirts to bed when I stayed the night there. I remember his love of ice cream. I remember this stuffed animal, it was a bear with a heart on the chest.......it was given to him after his first heart attack. I remember going with him to many doctor appointments and stopping to get a frosty from Wendy's. His death is the only true loss I've ever experienced.

Amy, Grandpa, and Josh


He came to my house once when I was about 23 years old to fix my dishwasher.......I remember my grandmother saying, "Make sure that breaker is off, you know your Grandpa's got that pacemaker!!". While Grandpa was laying down on the ground at 70+ years old fixing my dishwasher I was doing laundry. When I opened the washer there was a mouse running around in the empty tub. I shrieked. When I showed it to Grandpa he LAUGHED and said sarcastically, "What? You're not going to get it?". He asked me for a small paper sack and he just snatched up that little mouse in a second. Always my hero.



My birthday always makes me think of him and as I write this I can HEAR his laugh and his booming voice saying, "DUSTY!! It's June eleven!!" It is, and I love you Grandpa.

Complete preschool-check

Today was Gage's end of the year program at his preschool. I'm not sad that he's growing up. Not even a little bit. I CAN'T WAIT for him to start kindergarten. He's ready and I am too. Some people feel sad when their kids reach big milestones......not me. I KNOW that time flies, I KNOW they're only little for so long, but I STILL look forward to his growth. Don't get me wrong, I don't want to forget who he is right now as a little boy, that's part of why I'm blogging, but his growing independence is wonderful to watch. Yesterday his father pointed out that Gage doesn't give him a kiss goodbye anymore. Of course he doesn't......he's not a baby-he's a BOY. There's nothing baby about him anymore. Fine with me.

Gage was a wonderfully easy baby. 

He slept 12 hours straight by 4 months, he wasn't fussy during teething, he was naturally a scheduled 2-nap baby for a long time, and he would sleep anywhere I needed him to. He was an early talker so I never faced not knowing what he needed or why he was crying. 

Gage's first Easter

People would ask me how I got him to sleep so well.............I put him to bed one night and he woke up 12 hours later. Then he did that again every night following. He was a dream baby, but I'm completely okay with the fact that he's not a baby anymore. 

This is why we keep Gage's hair short, ha!

Gage thrives on engaging with other people. He always asks if he can play in the front yard instead of the back. Why? Because in front he might run into the garbage man, the gardeners, the neighbors, the neighbors gardeners, Malcolm (the UPS guy), someone, anyone that he can talk to.......always been that way. Even as an infant he would go to anyone that held their arms out to him. 

When Matt's parents met Gage for the first time we had been together for several months. We went on a fishing trip in Mammoth. 

He was almost three years old and had no problem grabbing a book and crawling into Debi's lap to ask her to read him a story. They adored his loving and affectionate nature. From age three until now Gage has become more challenging. He began REALLY talking and hasn't stopped since. 

Last week he came home and told me that his year end program was quickly approaching. He wanted to wear a tie as well as deodorant and cologne. He did. He wasn't the only one with a tie.....but he was the only one to make it look so good with just a t-shirt and some chucks. 

He looks old. Like I said, nothing baby about him. We went to Barnes and Noble earlier this week. As we walked in he said, "I want to get some learning books. Not work books. I want to get some learning books because I want to be smart like Matty and go to Stanford." I hope he does. More importantly, I hope that he is full of kindness, gentleness, and self-control. We work on it every day. Sometimes the days are long and I really wish he would stop talking and let me enjoy the sound of peace and quiet. But that kid says the funniest things and as his mother I need to teach him to make the most of who he is. Just in the last couple of weeks I have noticed him getting better.......waiting his turn to speak, recognizing the right time to ask a question, considering others.........he's growing. Every day. That's fine by me.  

Love. 

A new favorite proverb......

If you read my post about teaching you know the story of a question.......about elasticity......that I once answered. On Friday night Matt read the blog and shared that he didn't like that story-he thought is was distasteful and unnecessary to share. It wasn't necessary to share, I thought, but it was just a reminder of the shocking things that I dealt with as a teacher. We moved on to discussing our plans for the weekend. 

On Saturday morning Gage had his last t-ball game. 

Jace, Gage, and Luke getting ready

He went 3 for 3 :)

face of determination

Gage and his t-ball and preschool buddy, Luke

After the game Matt barbecued lunch and we all took a long nap. It was amazing. Then we took the kids out to the pool at Copper for the afternoon. 

Gracie-almost 11 months

Gracie was just getting over a little virus so she has a little rash in these pics.....

That evening Uncle Jeff came over rode bikes in the street with Gage.  

Game on

We watched the sun go down. It was a good, old fashioned summer night. 

On Sunday morning we went to church as usual. We are currently in the book of Corinthians. This last Sunday's message included many lessons. One was a reminder that a husband is to lead his family.....that a wife should submit to her husband, not because he deserves it but because by doing so a wife is serving God. All day Matt kept saying "Yeah, you better respect my authoritah!" in his best Cartman. For anyone who doesn't know Matt well-it was absolutely playful. I love that Matt is the leader of our family and I don't mind "submitting" to him. I advise any unmarried young women reading-make sure you marry someone smarter than you. The message was that of wives submitting to husbands, in part, but was also about head coverings and culture and how that relates to modesty in our current time. One little proverb really spoke to me.........

Like a gold ring in a pig's snout, so is a beautiful woman who lacks discretion. Proverbs 11:22

Wow. Just marinate on that for a minute. How I love the book of Proverbs. Upon hearing and reading those words two things came to mind- an old picture of myself in college where my attire is less than modest (I believe it was a "Pimps and Hoes" party in SLO).........and that story from my blog about teaching elasticity that lacked prudence. I was a little defensive when Matt mentioned that is was distasteful. Somehow hearing it from the Bible made it more palatable. So I came home and deleted that portion of the post. Sorry if you missed it ;) 

It was a beautiful weekend. How I hope that Matt and I are a positive example for Gage and Gracie........

Gage and Gracie's baptism, April 2012

Hope the verse from Proverbs speaks to you in some way too. 


Love.