Giving up guilt....

A few weeks ago, on the morning of St. Patrick's Day, I started the usual routine......woke up while Matt was in the shower, checked a little social media before rolling out of bed to make breakfast for him. A picture on Instagram reminded me that it was St. Patrick's Day......there were bowls of Lucky Charms, little green footprints on the table and gifts (these were not little gifts-they were things I would get the kids for their birthday) left by the leprechaun. Honestly, my first thought was "Gifts!? Now people are buying their kids gifts?! Crap, my kids are going to be even more disappointed!!" I remembered his disappointment from last year when there was no mess left by a leprechaun......now he's going to be further let down by the fact that there were no gifts left behind either! Ugh.....

As I made breakfast I thought I could probably do just a little something. So I dyed the milk green with food coloring. It took all the food coloring I had to make that gallon turn green. Then I was annoyed with myself for even doing it, I let guilt get to me. Gage saw the milk and asked why the leprechaun hadn't done something more, like leave footprints or make a mess. Because I don't want to clean up another frickin' mess, THAT'S why!!!

The day before that we were all in the car on the way to Gage's baseball game. Gage mentioned that he was hoping the Easter Bunny would bring him a wooden scooter for Easter. Um.....what!? Excuse me? The Easter Bunny is not Santa my friend. I quickly put the kibosh on that by explaining that the Bunny brings eggs and maybe a few small treats. I mean, look at these Easter Baskets.....

You think those could have housed a scooter? A chocolate bunny and maybe a pencil if we were lucky.

My kids have enough "stuff" and I'm hard at work trying not to let guilt get to me.

A few weeks ago Alyssa (our sitter) and I went through and cleaned out Gage's room. When we moved in this house his room never really started out well so it's been tough for him to keep it organized. But, he'd let it get REALLY out of control so I had a talk with him about how I would take care of the major cleaning but then he needed to be better about the upkeep. Long story short he lied about his room being clean more than once. I realized that it honestly wasn't entirely his fault, it was mine. I'd given too many warnings and too many chances and he just figured that was going to continue. A few times I'd actually threatened to throw toys out while he was at school but I was so busy that I never got time to even check if it was clean. So last week, when he failed to clean his room again, I followed through with my warning and threw out several of his toys-even a fairly new favorite. He cried and said, "This is terrible!! This hurts me, Mom!! You're hurting me!!" To which I replied, "YES!! I am."......."So you want to hurt me?!"......."No, but I'm going to. It was YOU that chose not to clean your room and lie about it-not me. Your choices are the reason your toys are being thrown out. This is the consequence."

It sucked. It sucked for him but it sucked for me too. It's not the first time I've done that, and I'm certain it won't be the last. But it's never easy. I really didn't want to throw out one of his favorites. I had to remind myself that if he had just made a different decision-to clean his room, none of this would have happened. He was given a warning about the consequence and he still made the wrong choice.

It reminded me of the St. Patrick's Day let down. It sucks to disappoint the kids. Even though I knew I shouldn't-I felt guilty that I didn't do more for St. Patrick's Day. And even though I knew I shouldn't-I felt guilty throwing away Gage's toys. This article, 9 Things We Should Get Rid of to Help Our Kids, was floating around Facebook last week. It covered some of what I was feeling. The fact is the lessons he learns are much more important and long-lasting than the twinge of guilt I feel.

Gage was disappointed about the leprechaun not making a mess. But Matt helped him build a leprechaun trap and I'm sure he got much more out of that than he would have seeing green footprints and receiving a gift.  He lost a few toys but hopefully he'll learn the importance of being honest and keeping his belongings in their place.

Earlier this week I picked up Gage from baseball practice. He told me that he hoped his dad would get married, but he didn't want him to have any more kids. I explained that it might be hard for him to meet a really nice girl that also didn't want children because most women want to have kids. Gage said, "Yeah, because they don't know how hard it is!!" I laughed. He's probably right. Sometimes being a parent is hard......like when you have to dole out consequences.......

But the rewards are so sweet.....

Love.

You, me and the TV

My friend Danielle, another mother of four (including twins), told me that the second year would be harder than the first. I think I'm starting to see why. Earlier this week I took the kids to the park. Now they really want to get out and explore.

Here was Ash when we arrived.....a little drool headed down her chin. She's finally getting her first tooth, on the top!

 She was watching Gracie do this....

Gage was being Gage

 Jay was being his smiley self

Then there were the Cheerios

They were good until Jay got some

And dumped them out

 She got over it

I actually had a couple stop to tell me that she was eating Cheerios off of the ground. Um....I know that....I'm taking pictures of it. Actually, I prefer that over the leaves she's usually eating. I'm much more concerned that no one falls off the steps......or gets hit by the swings....or disappears.  That's what other moms of many tell me. You just have to let things go.

I've been busy doing some sewing over the last couple weeks. People always ask how I find time to sew. I usually tell people that I spend time I could be doing other things-like cleaning my house. That's kind of true. But the real answer is that I don't watch TV.

Usually I have one show I record-Real Housewives. Don't judge me. Since we've moved into this house I find it VERY hard to watch because I can't see the TV from my kitchen. I can't just sit and watch anything anymore. If I have time to sit still then I'd rather be napping. This year we've given up TV for lent again as a family. Some exceptions-Matt and I can turn on the home improvement shows after the kids are in bed. As we build the house it's a way for us to share ideas about what we like/don't like. The kids can choose one movie or recorded show to watch IF we're home on Friday night. We don't impose the rules on other people so the kids can watch at the gym, or friends, or Gage at his dad's.

If you've never taken a break from TV for any length of time-I encourage you to do so. You would be surprised at 1-how much you actually watch (it's probably more than you think) and 2-how much more productive you can be during that time.

Gage is doing fine with it. Now that baseball has started his schedule is pretty full. It's also been absolutely perfect weather so he'd rather play outside anyway. Gracie's been a little tougher because every day when we got home from the gym I was letting her watch a show while the babies took a nap. Now she keeps busy with her puzzles instead. If there's ever a time for Matt to go without-it's now, between football and baseball. For me, I went without cable for a couple of years so it's nothing. Sure, I'm missing the RHOBH season finale and reunion. That will rerun. Eleventy hundred times. I'll catch it then.

Seriously-consider going without for just a week. You might find that time spent enjoying a hobby is maybe better than watching a show. Don't have a hobby? Even more reason for you to give up TV-so you can find one. Enrich yourself.

Enough of that. Today I went out with Lauren to take some pics of Harrison and the kids. Here are some of my favorites from the day......

Gracie in her dress mama made.....

 Off with the bow....

 Jay with big drool.....

 He is such a happy baby

Ashlyn has figured out that the squeaky wheel gets the grease and she's been letting us know how she feels lately....

 She's still so sweet

These sisters don't look much like sisters

I have a picture of Gracie in a tutu at around this same age (one) and I was hoping to get one of little sister too. Getting Ashlyn to look anywhere except for down at the tutu was near impossible. This was the best I could do. 

And finally, Gracie "reading" to Harrison....

I'm off to sew something.

Love.

My 100th post....

This is my 100th post, so I decided to make it about something very special.....Matt

My husband recently turned thirty-five. I thought that was a significant number so I asked him if he was where he thought he'd be at thirty-five. With a little smile he said, "That depends......I mean, I was supposed to be wrapping up my big league career....fishing from my cabin in the woods....just sitting on my millions......"

"Aww man, all you've got is me and these kids" We laughed.

I don't really write all that much about my husband because my days are more about kids. But my husband-he is extraordinary.

He is smart......went to Stanford smart.....could be competitive on Jeopardy smart. So smart people totally believe him even when he's spewing "facts" that he actually just made up. So smart that I can trust him completely with all the big decisions. I love that.

He has quiet confidence. And a fantastic smile. He is ruggedly handsome. He always compliments and says thank you for dinner. Even if it sounds like, "I think it's great. Maybe just a little less salt next time. But really-it's great babe."

He sings out loud at church. Terribly. But he does it.

He speaks my language. He holds my hand anytime we're in the car together. If you've ever read The Five Love Languages we have the same dominant language-physical touch. Growing up my mom would say, "Give me a love" which meant to give her a hug or kiss, I assume it's one reason I equate physical touch with love. It's easy to feel loved when you speak the same language.

He just gets me. Though my usual love language is physical touch I went through a period where I didn't even want him to hold my hand. When the babies were tiny I felt like I literally had someone else's skin against mine all day long. When I finally got the kids to bed, or sat in the car with all the kids strapped in the last thing I wanted was someone to touch me. He got it and let me be until I came around.

He encourages me to sleep in as he heads out to work. Often I do, and he doesn't resent me for it.

He works very hard and even better-he recognizes that I do too. He adores our children but he would lose his mind taking care of them for any length of time. It's a job for which he isn't designed and he makes sure I know my value.

He has a very forgiving nature. He never yells at me.....even when I can tell he wants to. That is his greatest gift to me. See, I'm not an arguer. I'm awful at it. In confrontation I just shut down, crawl into myself like a little hermit crab. I wish I could say that I am strong, a fighter-I'm not. He gets upset with me, but he never yells at me. From what I know, it's not in Matt's nature to get all worked up anyway, but it is a gift to me and I'm grateful every day.

When I consider the fruits of the spirit (love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control) I see them all in him. I'm so grateful that our children will have such an example and that I share a life with someone I admire.

See how he was holding my dress? He's always making sure I'm taken care of......

He isn't perfect, but he fits me just right.

Love.