Circle K & Costco All Before Lunch

This morning Lauren invited us out to Circle K Ranch to snap some pics and visit the store. The kids had a great time throwing leaves and picking out chocolate covered everything from the store. Plus they love Harrison and they REALLY love Auntie Lo-Lo.

After running around in the orchards and the store we got in the car to head home. Gracie asked where we were headed. When I said  we were headed home she reminded me we had to go to Costco. Oh man, we did need to go to Costco. Ugh. It was crazy packed. The kids were really good for a while but the last of it was brutal. Jay broke the strap on the cart then kept trying to climb out. My cart was overflowing because I needed everything. I had given them trail mix in their snack cups and Jay looked like he had melted every color of M&M across his face. Upon checking out we noticed the sourdough bread package was cut open so the checker sent someone to get another.

At this point Jay is trying to climb out of the cart (successfully as he broke the buckle), Ashlyn is dumping what's left of her snack cup all over the floor, and I've only got one free hand as I'm trying to pay with the other. I'm having Gracie just hold my leg so I know she's there with me. I decide to just hold Jay so he doesn't fall out of the cart. He is flailing trying to get down and kicks Gracie in the head and she starts whining. Now I'm sweating. So I pay, give the receipt to Gracie because she loves to get the happy face and I step around the other side to my cart. I'm holding Jay while he's literally kicking and screaming and I'm trying to get my purse off my shoulder and into the cart so I can get a better hold on him. The lady that loaded my cart says, "You need to step out of the way and wait against the wall while he gets your bread." I almost lost it. My face read, "I hate you" and my brain said, "Are you &*%# ing stupid? Can you not see I'm struggling here?" The elderly couple behind me offered to help me. Good thing they stepped in with their kindness to save me from getting ugly. I really didn't need help-but I did need a second.

So the lesson here is don't be stupid like the cart loader at Costco. Right mom? And save your next Costco trip till after Thanksgiving.

Anyway, here are some of the great pics I got from Circle K Ranch this morning.

 I bought this dress on Zulily. Hand wash only. Who manufactures hand wash only for a 3-year-old? And who keeps it? Me.

 Who doesn't love a little guy in a pearl snap shirt?

 Sweet sisters

 He thought this was so funny

 Gracie's little grin is the best

 He would have wandered the whole ranch had I let him....

 This is so Ash to me

 Wait for it......wait for it.......

 Yay!!!

If I don't get back before the holiday-Happy Thanksgiving! We all have so much to be grateful for.

Love.

Like Weeds

I spend most my days with these three little loves.

They are hilarious and growing like weeds. Jay and Ashlyn have started to take notice of one another in a new way over the last several weeks. If I get milk for one then they stand and wait saying, "Sissy cup" or "Jay cup" waiting to get a cup for the other. They also started napping in separate rooms so the first thing they ask for when they wake up is the other. It also means that they've started to tattle. When one takes a toy away they come crying and pointing to me, "Sissy truck" or "Jay book" letting me know what has happened. Gracie's been starting to say really hilarious things too. Today she was complaining about her puzzle, "This is a tricky one". Or as I shared on Facebook, "That disgusting smell is mom's soup". They are growing like crazy.

You might forget that I've got this guy too.

This one. This one reminds me that these are the years......

Lately it's really been on my mind how important these school-age years really are. A few weekends ago Gage had a soccer game that I planned to go to but the weather had turned and I didn't want the little ones out in the cold. Long story short, Gage's dad couldn't take him. Matt was out of town so I had to take Gage and the three little ones to the game by myself when I was not prepared. I'll spare you the many reasons that morning was the pits. We showed up. He played. And we drove through Starbucks for a warm drink and coffee cake on the way home.

In the big picture was it really that important for him to make the game? No. But I wanted him to know that if he's going to play-he needs to be there. 

Because these are the years. This is when he'll learn that we often have to do things we don't want to do. That's not just something that happens here at home. It's time for him to learn that he'll play on teams that are terrible-that doesn't mean he can quit or miss games. He'll have friends that get him into trouble-that doesn't mean he can pass the blame. He'll have schoolwork that challenges him-that will mean giving up something fun to make it a priority. It's all part of being a good person. Teaching those lessons is easier said than done. Wish me luck!

On another note it's that time of year to think about what we have to be thankful for.....

Last week I went to drop Gage at soccer practice. It was close to 5pm. The kids from Campus Club were out playing basketball. Something hit me when I saw them. I realized that while I had already been filled in on the day, these parents hadn't seen their kids yet. I already knew that Gage did terribly on his spelling pre-test. We went over some ways for him to remember the correct spelling. I had already helped him make an apple with peanut butter for a snack and taught him how to slice an apple without getting hurt. I had already listened to his guitar lesson as he passed a few more exercises and learned to tune it himself. It was in that moment of seeing those kids that I realized the value of staying home, even as the parent of a school-age child. It's easy to explain why I stay home with our little ones, but this was the first time I really saw how it's valuable to Gage too. Please do not read this as judgement toward working parents, a necessity for every parent/child relationship, or as though I'm saying a working parent is not "there" for their children. It is just that for MY family, where our evenings are VERY full-I'm happy to have those after school hours as time to be with, teach, and just talk to Gage.  

I wish I could say that I'll be back to blog again soon, but I probably won't. So here's a billion pics of the kids since I've been lagging on writing. Enjoy.

He's still drooling, can you spot it?

I wish I had more patience to push her. She would swing for hours.

This is my most challenging child to photograph. The blond hair, the fair skin, the faces-it's too much for me.

 

Seriously. How do you photograph a child when their hair glows? 

But she has got the cutest little profile ever.

This guy is all boy.

The entire time we were at the Discovery Center she wanted to be in the kitchen/grocery area. Mama's girl.

Her face. Seriously. I thought Gage was expressive, this one takes the cake.

He's handsome.

I love her. Even with her messy hair she's perfect to me.

This is Jay's "sissy" face. This is what he looks like when he's complaining about one of the girls.

Barefoot at the park. Always. Even now that it's cold she always takes them off.

Her curls are starting to straighten out and I'm heartbroken.

His are staying strong.

Gage is growing up. Suddenly being tough is important.

Intense. Football against yourself is very serious business.

Man I wonder if I could still get my leg that high.

He loves teaching her things.

And Jay loves cookies. With frosting.

Ash likes hers without. 

This one just made me laugh.

Jay as Olaf

Gage as a football player

Attempted group shot

Gracie as a brunette Elsa. She refused the wig I bought.

Sisters.

Ashlyn as a blond Anna. She also refused with wig.

Brothers.

Pumpkin carving at Grandma Stacey's. This was the first year he was patient and focused enough to complete his own pumpkin.

Cousins.

Baking with mama. You need a big white cup of tea for baking.

This went surprisingly well. Bring on Christmas!

Hands down the most independent child of mine. Me buckle. Me do it. No help. Me do it.

Couldn't even get one to look.

Until next time!

Love.

Fruit, Flowers, and a Love Fern

Matt and I celebrated our fourth anniversary a few weeks ago. I didn't get a chance to blog about it then, but I'm making time now.

Since we follow the traditional gifts, our choice this year was fruit or flowers. It happened to work out for us because building the house has got us on a fruit or flowers kind of budget. The only trouble was that I like to get something that we can keep forever. So I gave Matty a bottle of wine (fruit) from the year we were married and I had the kids make a painting with their hands (a tree, which is close enough to flowers) that could be kept to remember this year. Matt gave me a bottle of wine as well, along with a love fern. Okay, it's not a love fern, it's a rose bush that we can keep in a container and then take to the new house with us. We spent our actual anniversary evening enjoying happy hour at Ruth's Chris. The following weekend we went to School House out in Reedley for dinner to celebrate. It was somewhere we've never been and just getting out of the same old same can be so special.

When I think about my marriage I feel peaceful and secure. I feel grateful and certain. I feel safe and loved. I feel blessed. There was a time in my life when I felt shameful and saddened by the fact that I had a failed marriage. The marriage I live now assures me that hearts can be restored and that I can feel well with my soul.  

A few weeks ago I attended the bridal shower of my cousin's fiance. For some reason as we were cleaning up after the shower she mentioned that Justin would not pick up tampons for her from the store. I laughed. "Have that first baby," I said, "things will change."

When I met Matt I was 28, a single mom, and probably in the best shape of my life. Then I got pregnant with Gracie right after we got married. And then I got pregnant with the twins. Now the skin on my stomach sags and makes my belly button look like a frown. It's never going back. My back and hips aren't right so I can't work out in the same way. Plus, you know, I can't always make the gym. If I laugh or sneeze unexpectedly I pee little bit....in my pants. I'm NOT the same person he married. But he loves this version of me too. He still makes me feel beautiful every day. Sure, he'd probably love if I was able to stay up past 9pm. At the same time he knows that tending to our children is exhausting and he admires the way I get it done. I'm sure he'd think it was amazing if I was back in the best shape ever. But he knows that my sagging skin was part of making those beautiful babies we adore. He makes me feel like it's fine when I have to order a pizza for dinner because I couldn't bring myself to take all the kids to the grocery store. He does the same when I fall asleep within thirty minutes of putting the kids to bed.

Matt has been gone for a week so far on a 10-day hunting trip with his dad and brothers. In some ways, if I'm honest, it's nice. I don't make dinner. The kids and I eat sandwiches, cereal, or whatever else I can scrounge up. I don't sleep well when he's away so I can stay up late and sew. I would usually look forward to watching trash TV, but I just haven't been able to get into anything anymore. Where's my RHOBH?

This morning Matt called and had to let me in on his surprise to come home a few days earlier than planned. I am SO excited. Like butterflies in my stomach excited. There's another element of joy to my day knowing that he's coming home early. Tomorrow we get to go to my cousins wedding together. He'll be there to see Gracie as a flower girl. We'll witness my brother officiate the wedding, just as he did ours. We'll have dinner, drinks, and dancing with some of our favorite people. There's something about being at a wedding together that is so special.

Our fourth year of marriage was filled with dirty diapers and messes. It was a year of wiping bottoms and getting by. These times aren't glamorous. We're not off traveling the world; we're lucky to get to Grandma's house. We're not living in a gorgeous home or enjoying fabulous gourmet meals. But these times are so precious. Right now I'm at the kitchen counter. Gage is probably taking his spelling test at school. Jay is trying to climb on the counter for the millionth time. Gracie is building a pillow fort. Ashlyn is putting on a fifteenth pair of shoes for the day. I lied, she's now pulling out what appears to be the 800th Ziploc bag and throwing it on the kitchen floor. And my husband, he is packing up to come home. And I can't wait, because life is just better when he's here.

Love.

Letting Gage go and grow.......

Motherhood is overwhelming. That doesn't look the same for every mama though.  

I know a lot of moms worry about their kids. I really don't. It's not because I don't love my children, I'm just not a worrier by nature. If I do worry, it's very rarely that something will happen to them. I worry that they won't be kind or respectful when I'm not there. I don't even worry when I probably should. I'm not a helicopter parent. One reason is that I wasn't made that way and another reason is simply that I can't hover over all four intently at the same time. There's a certain amount of freedom for them in that. I would consider myself a strict mom, but I'm not overprotective. It goes back to the fact that I'm not a worrier. I'm the one that watches my child take a tumble at the park.....and instead of running over to help them I just slowly head that way and watch to see if they get up alright on their own.

Lately I've been feeling judged for some of the freedoms I allow my children, especially Gage. As an example, on occasion, I send Gage into the store alone when we only need a handful of things. I give him some cash and wait in the car with the little ones. There was a little hint of hesitation the first time I sent him in to the store alone. Should I send him? Should I just unload all the littles and go in? Is he going to know what to do? Is he too little for this? Is he going to be able to follow the list? I figured I knew Gage well enough to know that if he couldn't find something he would be confident and capable enough to ask an employee for help. Sure enough, the first time I sent him in, he couldn't find the red onions. When he got back to the car he said, "It took a little longer because I couldn't find the red onions, which they really should call purple, and I had to ask for help." Then, with a big smile on his face and almost a little giggle he said, "The clerk said she couldn't believe my mom let me come in by myself." I realized that I was right-he was ready. Not only was he just fine, but completing that task by himself made him feel good about himself and created in him a little more self-sufficiency than he had before he went in.

We were down at the farm this last weekend and my mother-in-law was away on a women's retreat for the weekend. That meant that Gage was given some of her morning chores to complete-he was going to feed the chickens and collect the eggs as well as take the dog, Zorro, for a walk. While I was in the bathroom getting ready I heard my father-in-law telling Gage, "Now Gage, it's time that you be a help to your mother. You're not one of the babies anymore. You need to take care of the things you can by yourself so she can care for the little ones. It's time for you to start growing up."

Sometimes as moms we get into a routine where we're doing things for the kids just because we always have. And because it takes a time investment to teach them to do it themselves. Sometimes we overprotect because we worry that they're not ready or that they're going to get hurt. And sometimes because everyone around us is and we feel judgment giving our kids certain freedoms. Dale talking to Gage reminded me that it's just part of growing up. Gage does a lot for himself. He packs his own lunch and makes his own breakfast. If he wakes up late I help him but I've only had to help him twice this year. He takes out the garbage and the cans to the street on collection day. He does his extra-curricular activities alone. I leave the room for his guitar lessons and for soccer I don't stay but just drop off and pick up at the end.

Yesterday I went full circle on this.

Early in the day an acquaintance of mine had a post on Facebook about how she feels really sad when she sees kids in K-3 walking to school. Another friend of hers commented, "Lazy people shouldn't have kids." I decided they needed to spend a little time in the hood. Anyway, I realized that when I send Gage into the store alone or when I just drop him off at soccer instead of walking him to the field and watching his practice some people might see that as lazy.

I started to wonder.....am I lazy? Should I be more involved? Should I be more watchful? I spent a good part of the day thinking about why I give Gage certain freedoms and whether it's the right thing to do.

Then last night another friend posted this quote by Ann Landers: "It's not what you do for your children, but what you have taught them to do for themselves, that will make them successful human beings."

Yep. I'm going with that. If you need Gage to get your groceries-he's got you.

Love.

We're still alive.......

Don't worry. I'm still here. Hanging in there.......

I'm blogging because I want to remember what life looked like in September 2014. I have had so many days that I wanted to write but the day gets away. Then I get too tired. I didn't set out on this endeavor to quit, so I'm pressing on and writing today. I've got to figure out how to get it on the books, carve out the time instead of just waiting for time to write to present itself. It's not going to.

Gage started second grade. He clearly loves this tradition.

He actually told me it was the worst tradition ever. In general he seems to be enjoying school more than he has in the past. He still hates homework but it's not as bad as first grade. He's eager to participate in school activities and never wants to miss anything social at school. He's playing soccer and has improved since last year. Last year I cringed watching him from the sidelines (don't judge me; it was cringe-worthy). I'm glad I can enjoy watching him this year. I'll share pics from games over the next few weeks.

At the end of August (cause that's how behind I am) we celebrated his 8th birthday. PJ came to stay the night and Matt took them to see the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie. I made him the chocolate on chocolate cake he asked for.

We got him a skateboard and a fishing pole and bag for his tackle. Alyssa got him a Fresno State jersey that he was very excited about.

He also got a guitar from his dad so he started lessons a few weeks ago. He seems to be enjoying it so far.

Gracie got a big girl bed. She's been in her crib converted to a toddler bed for a LONG time. She was coming into our room almost every night between 12-3am and we always just let her into bed out of fear that her crying would wake the twins. We converted it to the full size bed. In order to make her feel positive about the bed I did something I NEVER do-I bought character sheets. I hate character stuff. Even Disney-it's just not me. But she wanted a Lalaloopsy bed and I wanted her out of mine. We both got our way. She's only been in our room once over the last few weeks since getting her new bed.

She also started a tap/ballet combo class.

She loves it. The first two classes she was just watching, doing a little bit, but very observant. Now she shows everyone her favorite things. Shuffle change toe and her basket.

She's been busy cracking us all up by using words like, "literally" and shouting, "I think something amazing is about to happen!!" every time she hears her dad open the garage getting in from work. This week I started Phemom, a women's ministry program at Peoples Church. When I went to check her out of the childcare they said, "She is VERY observant. She saw some others misbehaving and she just looked at them, then looked at me, then looked at them, then looked at me.....waiting to see if I was going to do something". She's also very sensitive and cries anytime she even THINKS she's in trouble. She get it from her mama.

We decided not to start preschool with Gracie this year. I feel like ALL of our friends start preschool at three and everyone's been asking where she's going but she's not going anywhere until next year. I would be lying if I said I didn't sense some judgement from other parents. On one hand it's selfish-I don't want to spend the money, I don't want to have a schedule to adhere to, I don't want to have to get the kids all out by a certain time. It would be different if she needed it. She's fine. One thing I learned with Gage is that she'll have PLENTY of time to worry about school. For now she has friends that she plays with at the gym, at home, and she goes to her dance class. She loves to talk about letters and numbers with me so I know she'll be just fine. For now, I'm going to let her be little.

Ashlyn is talking quite a bit. She has a bigger vocabulary than her brother for sure. A few weeks ago she started calling Jay "Brudda" and now she says his name too. She's putting little phrases together like, "Bye-bye Gage" and "Crackers please". She can also clearly let me know that she needs a new diaper, often by taking off the one she had on. She loves showing us what she knows. Almost every night I read them two books, Bunnies Picnic and My Mommy Hung the Moon. I don't love either of those it's just what they like. Now when I read Bunnies Picnic Ashlyn yells, "Mama! Mama! Mama! Mama!" until I reply "Yes Ash". Then she says, "Bunnies"......."Yes Ash, bunnies"......."Mama! Mama! Mama! Mama!"....."Yes Ash"....."Cook" ......"Yes, they are cooking"....."Mama! Mama! Mama! Mama!"....."Yes Ash"......"Floor"....."Yes, they spilled the stew on the floor. Now stop interrupting the book". I can't figure out if she's just excited or if she's dragging out bedtime.

Here she is in her determination....

 Making mud pies with sister...

 Showing me where her nose is.....

And just being sweet.....

Jay is hilarious. Yesterday I took them to the park. He probably fell or tumbled off of something at least six times. He never cried. He just jumped up and looked at me as if to say, "I'm okay, right?" and I just give him the nod and he goes on. Unlike his sister he never lets me know he needs a new diaper and when I try to change him he runs. He is my only child that LOVES milk. That's probably where he gets this belly.

He loves to take a walk in the wagon, even if it's just to get the mail. He loves to go outside and throw things. He throws everything. You know how they say babies learn about things by putting them in their mouth? I feel like Jay wants to learn about everything by observing what happens when you throw it.

 Poor little guy just can't stop drooling. He's a mess.

They kids are all so much fun. I remember another twin mom telling me that the second year was harder than the first and I can see why. They're just everywhere and into everything. I've been putting them in their high chairs a lot, just to play. I give them crayons and a paper or a book. Sometimes I just need to have them contained so I can make dinner or concentrate on a necessary phone call or just make my grocery list with a little more focus.

That's what we've been up to and how we're doing. I'll be back sooner than later!

Love.