1. A good marriage depends on two things-finding the right person and being the right person.
2. Don't expect life to be fair.
3. Save an evening a week for the two of you.
4. Be your mate's best friend.
I love this list for many reasons. The first is that she was well into her nineties when it was given so it was typed for her. Her signature is something I can visualize in my head from the cards she sent me as a child....her handwriting always looked painful to me.
As I wrote my advice for Valerie I thought about that first one......
"A good marriage depends on two things-finding the right person and being the right person"-any other advice is really useless if you don't find the right person. I would know. I remember my mother having the "sex talk" with me......about how promiscuity isn't becoming.....that our body isn't to be shared with just anyone......that saving myself for marriage isn't as realistic or easy as some make it seem.......so it might not happen-but it certainly needs to be saved for someone very special.....that it's one thing about ourselves that is ours alone and it should be cherished. My mom probably doesn't even remember that talk but I do. Someday I'll have that same kind of talk with Gracie and Ashlyn......but I'll have another one too.....about Noni's advice of finding the right person. That advice comes too late if you've already fallen in love and are planning a wedding. I will explain that red flags are there for a reason, that the right person will be a "nice guy", that everyone will like the right person......and what a blessing that I can tell my girls, "The right person will treat you the way dad treats me".
"Don't expect life to be fair"........pretty sure I was raised to know that life isn't fair and Matt was too. Everyone deals with life differently but we certainly don't keep score around here. I don't think about how many more diapers I change than Matt and he doesn't think about how much more he "works" than I do. We all do our part-I recognize that his job is stressful and he works very hard to provide for our family. He recognizes that staying home with the kids can be exhausting and that he would have no idea how to maintain our family without me. This is something that we've been really teaching Gage lately. You always do what's right even when it doesn't seem fair. Life isn't always fair-so don't bother keeping score-just do what's right.
"Save an evening a week for the two of you"......my great-grandparents had five daughters and I don't know if she gave this advice because they were able to do or something she wished they were able to do. Let's face it-Matt and I don't get much time to ourselves lately.....for a few reasons. One is the kids-when you're nursing it really is hard to get away from the babies. Yes, I can pump-but it's just not worth it sometimes. Another is that I simply don't ask for it.....right now the kids are pretty high on the priority list and we haven't made the effort to make time for ourselves. BUT-as part of my gift for Mother's Day Matt gave me one date night per month. He knows that I don't like to ask for things even as simple as date night-this way I won't have to feel guilty-it's a gift. We can go anywhere I want, anytime I want (around his work schedule).....it's not quite the once/week she suggested but it's a start. I used my first one yesterday. I decided on a day date instead and we went to Pismo's for lunch. We took our time.....we had cocktails.....and we enjoyed time by ourselves. I'm looking forward to the next one.
"Be your mate's best friend"-my great-grandmother was spending a quiet moment alone with my great-grandfather, Porgie, when he passed and she was overheard saying to him, "Goodbye old friend". Life is busy with four small children and sometimes I feel like Ashlyn is actually my best friend. She's a really good listener and she smiles at everything I say to her.
I think part of why time alone with Matt is important is so that we maintain a friendship within our marriage. My mom talks about how Porgie would bring Noni small gifts.....he would return from a hunting trip with a pretty piece of driftwood for the porch. Every Thursday after work Matt brings home a cinnamon crunch bagel for me to enjoy on Friday morning.....it's nothing big but it's special because he knows I love them and it brings just a little more joy to my Friday morning.
So there's some advice......from my Noni to you......
And here are some pics of Jay too.....he gets happier every day
Showing off his guns.....
I don't want you thinking it's all just pretty as a picture around here though.........
In the last post I mentioned Gracie taking off her diaper and how I decided I could let her go without it. I learned that I actually can't let her go without it-unless I'm willing to clean up poop. She pooped......kind of like a dog.....part of it was in front of the hall bath and another part of it in the entryway....like she was walking and going at the same time. It was awesome.
Until next time....
Love.
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