Yesterday was my thirty-third birthday.
I woke up at 4:00 am. I don't know what woke me. I can't recall hearing the babies on the monitor. As I woke up my thoughts turned to Gage.
He hates writing so to keep him writing this summer I'm asking him to write letters to his grandmothers, friends, neighbors, or anyone who might be lonely and like to get a little note in the mail. He hates writing but he does like doing nice things for others. The first was to Grandma Stacey. The thirty minutes we spent writing that letter should have taken five, it was a battle the entire time. Five sentences Gage......I only have one thing to say......think of more things to say then......I can't think of anything......you haven't taken time to think.....I have too.....that's not how Grandma is spelled.....that's how I spell it and Grandma won't care, she'll know what I mean......you don't get to spell however you want Gage......Grandma doesn't CARE, I want her to see how I spell......it went on and on.
So at 4:00 am on my birthday I woke up thinking about his atrocious spelling......how could he not want to be right? Why would he think it's okay to spell a word wrong just because it sounds right? What are we going to do if it never gets better? What if his grades take a turn for the worse? What if he's one of those people that always spells words wrong? Like his dad who drives me crazy every time he writes dose instead of does. Crazy. What if he always struggles with word problems? I don't know how he got a 2 on word problems, I watch him to his homework and he always gets them right. Maybe he doesn't test well. What if he's one of those kids that doesn't test well? I need to sleep, this is stupid to be thinking about right now.......I wish Matt would have played catch with him instead of helping me give the babies a bath....because now Gage will be at his dad's tonight, then Matt will be gone Thursday and Friday night and this weekend Gage is at his dad's house. That was pretty much the only time they had to play this week. I hope Matt doesn't always say yes when Jay asks. What if he works less by then and has more time? I hope Gage doesn't see that and personalize it. Sleep Dusty.......I should get him a tutor. I know his teacher said that isn't necessary but it's always a fight when I try to correct him. How many times will he have to write the word Grandma to stop spelling it Gramu? Root words, Gage. Root. Words. Why I am worrying about this? He's fine. I can't believe there are people who live with this all the time. This is debilitating. Good thing I'm not a worrier. Or am I? Right now it seems I am. Seriously? I'm worried about a 2 on word problems, what am I going to do when he leaves home one day? I need sleep. I just want to sleep.......I'm going to pray.
I'm not a worrier. I really don't worry about my kids....often. I let Gage ride his bike to our neighbors. I've been letting him walk down to get our mail since he was five. I don't worry when my kids get a fever or take a spill. Last week Jay was chewing on one of those dishwasher detergent packets and it popped open getting some in his mouth. I didn't worry, I thought, "Well, he'll finally stop playing with those"-and he has! But sometimes worry creeps in.....such is the life of a mama. I was able to shut it down once the day got started but it was heartbreaking. I can't imagine how miserable life would be if I was a worrier.
Aside from the terrible worry-filled morning my birthday was pretty good. Gracie got up early and Matt put her in bed with me before he left. A few minutes later she had to go potty but just after running out she came running back in, "You got bithday fyowers mama! And a package!" (She can't say the R or L sounds). She was so excited for me. When we went out to open the package I asked what she thought it was. She said, "I think it's a pony wide oh something!" She was disappointed to find it was a serger. "My bithday is next, mama. Jew-why second! I want a pony wide!"
We started our day at the gym for a short workout, then we went to Jamba for smoothies. Gage and Gracie both finished their smoothies before we got home. We had a lunch and then we all (including me, but not Gage) took a nap. I love naps and I was so glad that Gracie took hers so I could get one on my birthday. Then Alyssa came by and watched the kids while I went to Joann's by myself. Matt picked up dinner so I didn't have to cook. That's a pretty perfect day for me. Celebrations continue this weekend as Friday we go to dinner with our friends and Saturday my mom comes to go antique shopping......because apparently I'm turning into her.
I looked back at my birthday post from last year because I like to reflect. I'm in a better place this year than last. I feel pretty good. I have varicose veins (that Gage kindly pointed out) and a few more dark spots than I had before, but I've been getting to the gym at least a few times a week and I'm doing the best I can. Plus I got a great lesson in makeup since then. I still can't get to it every day-but when I need to, I can.
This morning I woke up to this post by Chrissy at Life with Greyson and Parker. I loved it because I agree that happy is a choice we make. And I give sink baths too.
Thirty-three. This will be the year that we build a house....and we decide whether or not we're "done" having kids......and I'm choosing to make it the happiest year yet.
Love.
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