Earlier this week I tried to be amazing. I wasn't. Alyssa wasn't here to help. I only had ONE errand that required me to leave the house-pick up the dry cleaning before Matt left town. I decided that I would go around the same time school gets out so I could pick up the kids and Mandy wouldn't have to. For anyone unaware of how this works-school pick up is really obnoxious for someone like me. In order to pick up the kindergarten kids you have to go up to the classroom so that the teacher can dismiss your child to you. I decide to go early to make sure I'd have a spot up front because there was no way I could get all three little ones out of the care without my stroller. I hoped to park where Gage's teacher could see me if I just stood outside of my car. Thirty minutes wasn't early enough so I found a mediocre spot and parked. Some parents camp out there I guess. Just as I put the car in park Jay started screaming.....I listened for a few minutes then I got him out of his car seat. Within two minutes Ashlyn was crying.....and since I decided to arrive early for that prime parking spot, we still had twenty minutes before the kids would even be dismissed. I decided to get out and try to give Ashlyn her pacifier while I held Jay.....a few minutes later and I was sweating because it was so hot outside. I decided to go ahead and leave my car running and just walk about 20 feet from the car so Gage's teacher could see me. As I walked away I heard Gracie start crying-afraid I'm leaving her. Awesome. Now all three of them were crying........
With the help of another blessed parent I finally get all the kids (Gage and the back neighbors) into the car. Then some guy......all by himself.....was parked illegally behind me while he waited for his sixth grader to get in the car. Grr......
This is why my back neighbors do this job for me. God bless them. Just picking up my kid from school is hard.
And then Gracie has been doing a lot of this......
I guess this is the onset of terrible twos.......or something. Whatever it is it's messy......and hard.
We're coming up on a trip for Matt's work at which I have to wear a dress. So all week I've been trying to find time to shop for one. Unsuccessfully. It's looking like I'm going to have to squeeze into something I already have. Grr......finding time to shop can be hard.
Matt is out of town for work and last night I was SO tempted to not make dinner. I was tempted to just scrounge something like sandwiches for the kids and clean the house while they sat down to eat. Everyone has things that they feel are important......dinner as a family is one of mine. So even though Matt was gone I grilled some chicken and whipped up chicken tacos. Instead of cleaning the house and doing laundry I sat down at the table with the kids. We did the same things we do when he's home-we said a prayer, talked about the day, and I reminded them about table manners.
Gage talks......a lot. Sometimes I love it because he's really funny.......but sometimes it drives me bananas. Sometimes I want to just scream "SHUUUUT UP!!!" A couple of weeks ago I started to lose it. It was a weekend and all morning he was talking. I couldn't get anything done-I couldn't get just five minutes of peace to get my grocery list done. I sent him outside to play and I started to cry. Matt had been working outside and he came in to find me feeding the twins and crying. He told me to take some time to myself.......to go for a walk, or go to the gym, or go do whatever I needed to do. I was torn.....I wanted to go to the gym......I wanted to just be alone with my iTunes........
But I couldn't. I asked Matt to get my beach cruiser down. I told Gage to get a couple of books to put in his backpack. I needed time alone with him. I've heard people talk about the importance of spending one-on-one time with their kids.....so they don't feel left out. Honestly-I don't buy into that kind of stuff. I go with my parenting gut and it had never told me to specifically carve out one-on-one time. But my gut told me this time that I needed time alone with him. I used to LOVE reading to him.....but lately, by the time we get settled and ready for books before bed-I am SO tired. I still go through the motion of reading, but I wouldn't say I've been loving it. And lately he's been choosing Ninjago books-they are AWFUL. Anyway, we set upon our bike ride and Gage began talking.......he did not stop for twenty minutes straight. He was talking about a movie he'd watched on the iPad at his dad's and finally he turned to me and asked, "What was your favorite movie when you were a kid?" The best part about it was that it didn't bother me....that time was devoted to him so if he wanted to talk my ear off-so be it. We got to Yogurtville and served ourselves some frozen yogurt. We sat outside and he pulled out his book choices-I Need My Monster and How to Become a Pirate. Thank God it wasn't Ninjago. I read the books slowly and deliberately. I loved it. I enjoyed him. We needed that.
If you are a mom and you have never read this article, "Don't Carpe Diem" on Momastery, it's awesome. I love being a mama but sometimes it's just hard. Not every moment is lovable. This is my favorite part....
"My point is this. I used to worry that not only was I failing to do a good enough job at parenting, but that I wasn’t enjoying it enough. Double failure. I felt guilty because I wasn’t in parental ecstasy every hour of every day and I wasn’t MAKING THE MOST OF EVERY MOMENT like the mamas in the parenting magazines seemed to be doing. I felt guilty because honestly, I was tired and cranky and ready for the day to be over quite often. And because I knew that one day, I’d wake up and the kids would be gone, and I’d be the old lady in the grocery store with my hand over my heart. Would I be able to say I enjoyed every moment? No.But the fact remains that I will be that nostalgic lady. I just hope to be one with a clear memory. And here’s what I hope to say to the younger mama gritting her teeth in line:
“It’s helluva hard, isn’t it? You’re a good mom, I can tell. And I like your kids, especially that one peeing in the corner. She’s my favorite. Carry on, warrior. Six hours till bedtime.” And hopefully, every once in a while, I’ll add- “Let me pick up that grocery bill for ya, sister. Go put those kids in the van and pull on up- I’ll have them bring your groceries out.”
Some days are hard.....but each of my babies are precious and I love them so......
Love
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