Still finding myself......

Last post I told the Dora the Explorer story and mentioned that we're somewhat removed from television and pop culture......and it's true. I mean, I'm not Matt-I DO know that the Dora book wasn't the Spanish version.....

Now that I'm out of the classroom I feel AM so disconnected from pop culture. It's bad. I rarely watch television and if it weren't for ESPN we would go without cable at our house. And becoming the mother of a school-aged child really changed me. I used to have concerts in the car all the time......but when Gage asks "What is he saying?" and I have to answer "Put it on my lap baby, I make you feel right baby, can't promise tomorrow, but I'll promise tonight" I just can't take it. If I was in Vegas I would shake my tail feather all night to such a song but I just can't let my son sing those words. Some might say to just make up different words......but I'm not that mom. I'm the one that when he asks, "Where do the babies come out?" I answer honestly. So instead, I change the station to KDUV and let him sing as loud as his heart desires, "Shine, bright, let your glory fill the land, lift, high, the King of Kings and great I am, Jesus, you are the way, you are the way........" 

For his 7th birthday Gage asked for 

1. iPad

2. Bike

3. Bible

4. Movie (Tron Legacy)

5. Telescope

6. Science Stuff

When he read the list to Matt he said after iPad "I know I'm not going to get that but I just would really want one" and he was right. Sometimes I feel weird.....I NEVER give my kids my phone to play with. EVER. My friends will talk about apps their kids love to play on their phones and I'm over here thinking, "Gracie has never played with my phone.......and I kind of don't want her to." It's not that I'm anti-technology it's just that we've been content without that kind of entertainment so far. Plus my phone is to me like my purse was to my mom-it's private and not a place for kids. If we go for a long walk my kids just enjoy the scenery (or Gage enjoys asking a million questions), if we go to a restaurant (which admittedly-it's been a while) they just enjoy the good food and good company. I want that for them....for them to enjoy quiet time....visiting with each other.....and most importantly just having time with their thoughts. I find myself very attached to my phone lately.....I'm at a long stop light, I'll just check Instagram really quick.....nursing the twins, I'll just check Facebook. There's a part of me that finds that tragic....that I can't just sit quietly with my thoughts anymore, just ten seconds idle and I'm reaching for my phone to entertain me. I want the kids to be okay with boredom in small doses.....

A few weeks ago I ran across a link to a blog post educating parents of kids/tweens/teens about various phone apps....what they do, what to look out for, and how to teach your kids about the dangers of the Internet. It was really thought provoking. The author shared a story about how her young daughter while searching for American Girl dolls accidentally came across pornographic images.....Broke. My. Heart.

I vacillate....especially with Gage now that's he's getting older.......do I just put on my Christian radio and protect his ears from lyrics like those of Blurred Lines (go ahead-Google those please, and tell me how you would tell your 7-year-old son when he asks what those lyrics are)......do I just keep encouraging him to build with his new wood kit and read his snake books instead of watching a movie or playing games on the iPad.......

OR

do I let him listen to the music because if I don't he'll do in secret anyway......give him the iPad and teach him what to when an innocent search goes sideways......

I had a friend growing up whose mother was over-protective, she would never let her stay the night at anyone else's house. By 8th grade she was sneaking boys into her room at night. Rebellion. I don't want that.

It's a balancing act I guess. Someone angrily asked me once, "You're twenty-seven years old Dusty, you should know who you are by now! I don't get it. Are you the girl from the gym picking her son up from the daycare or are you the girl dancing with some guy at the club?" In the moment (because I'm terrible at arguing and I totally stop and reflect instead of fighting back) I thought, "I SHOULD know who I am......do I know who I am?.....I think I'm both.....should I only be one of those.....cause there's clear right choice if that's true....." but I didn't actually SAY anything. Years later I'm realizing that I will NEVER know exactly who I am. That's okay. It's called growth...and one should never stop learning and growing. Some parts will never change but I'm okay with the fact that one day I'm the mom having concert in the car with some JT and the next I can't take one more second of B95 and we're instead singing praises to our maker. It's okay that one day I let Gage pick a new app for my iPad and give him some time to play and the next I tell him to go outside, build a fort, and don't come inside until it's dark.

We'll celebrate Gage's birthday this weekend (he was with his dad on the actual day) and he will not get an iPad. But I'm not as against it as I was just a few weeks ago. My noni was an inspiration for this blog and I have to remember that though she was a Godly woman she embraced change. After reading the blog post educating parents on apps/internet use I realized that if I don't teach Gage-someone else will. If I don't let him play on the iPad and search for videos on YouTube he'll be dying to get a hold of that iPad when he's at a friend's house and there may be no one watching. If I haven't taught him what to do if he accidentally comes across a pornographic image-no one will. Part of my job as a mother is to keep up with the world even if it means doing something I don't really want to do. So who knows.....maybe Santa will bring an iPad (more likely a Kindle)......

or maybe a telescope instead.....just depends on who I am that day.....

Love.